BY: Daniel Holden, Senior Consultant and Facilitator for The Leadership Circle

In the days leading up to the American presidential election I easily lapsed into feelings and thoughts that forces much greater than me were at play and threatened to take me where I did not wish to go. I struggled to remain awake, open to new information and yet discerning, too. How could I consider what history shows without being imprisoned by it? Could I be present and see each person and circumstance anew and not merely default to my memory of past interactions with them? How could I remain genuinely open and curious about what wanted to happen today and yet not be naive and stupid in the process? Is it possible to find simplicity in the midst of complex, turbulent times without overlooking important, interlocking dynamics, and tough realities?

While my own questioning has been exacerbated by the election, these issues are the kinds of matters leaders I work with face every day. I write this while on a temporary break from a singularly exhausting period of work and travel. I’m unsure how I contributed to a calendar that clearly violates all of my most cherished values around work-life balance, reflection and spiritual renewal, family time and the importance of remaining close to the natural world, one foot on the next hiking trail or ocean beach. The pace, volume, intensity and impact of change in my life and work have made this period unlike any other I have faced. I am like those I coach.

‘There are no easy answers’, we are told, yet there are practices that have stood the test of time. William Stafford (1914-1993) one of the great poets of the last century and former Poet Laureate of the nation, reminds us of three of these practices. Here is what he says to us all.

A Ritual to Read to Each Other

If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider–
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give–yes or no, or maybe–
should be clear:
the darkness around us is deep.

From The Way It Is: New and Selected Poems © Graywolf Press.

Practice One: Know Yourself

You know you’re already in trouble if you are tempted to skip over this section. The greatest barrier to self-knowledge is, after all, the belief we already possess it. That what we know about ourselves is not just true but is all there is to know about us. Today, as an example, it is possible to pass through most MBA programs with no coursework required to assess and improve your own self-awareness as a leader! It is possible to sponsor or lead many large-scale organizational change models––on collaboration, innovation, facilitative leadership, teamwork, customer service, quality improvement, and patient satisfaction–and not be expected to look closely at your own level of self awareness and assess its likely impact on the change effort you will take part in. And, if you’re a senior leader, you will only get (and apparently only need) the two-hour overview; it’s assumed you already know the rest! Self-awareness is seriously underrated.

William Stafford warns us if we don’t know who we are “…a pattern others made may prevail in the world and, following the wrong god home, we may miss our star.” We can easily be led astray when we don’t know who we are and miss what is truly important. For leaders who pride ourselves on self-reliance, autonomy and resilience, the ease with which we can be led astray may feel exaggerated. Here is how simply it can happen.

Recently, I got stranded in an airport unable to get to an important meeting the next day. I am not happy. I board a hotel van along with other stranded ones. I know I feel impatient, frustrated and tired. I am unaware of my own arrogance and selfishness as I make sure to sit in the front seat of the van so I can be first in the hotel check-in line. I don’t care about anyone else on the van. I’m tired, after all, and a very important person! As we are about to pull away I notice an older man using a walker and dragging a suitcase while making his way slowly towards our van. He won’t make it. We all know it, on the van, and none of us move. A pattern of watching out for our own self-interests prevails with nobody needing to say anything.

Something in me stirs. I’ve seen this man before, in the terminal. He wears a hat that I recognize as a Marine Recon veteran, Viet Nam era. I yell to the van driver to open his doors. I grab the man and his luggage and help him into the van, quietly fuming the process has been slowed down by this man. I help him through the hotel check in process, resigned now to having lost my first place in line.

The next morning I arrive in the lobby early, hoping again to get the first seat in the first van heading back to the airport. The entire stranded group is there before me! So is my Marine. I help him onto the van; someone else grabs his luggage while another offers him his seat in front. At the airport, we assist him through security. The others say goodbye and head for the gate. I buy him breakfast and eat with him before helping him board, where we say our goodbye. “I won’t forget you,” he says. “It’s been an honor to be with you,” I say. We don’t see each other again.

I have turned away in my own self-preservation more often than I care to admit. This story, regrettably, is the exception not the norm with me. I tell it here because it illustrates the impact of what our poet says to us. If we don’t know who we are a pattern others made may prevail in the world. We all will be made the lesser for it.

As an executive coach to business leaders there are several action items built around self-awareness and understanding others. To continue reading the full article, visit http://www.theleadershipcircle.com/a-ritual-for-leaders-three-ancient-practices-that-revitalize-everything.