By Cynical CEO from i4cp authors

Here's the asinine question of the week I received from someone in the HR department in my company: can we free up budget dollars to invest in a Facebook-like application internally?

Talk about a career-limiting question.

Let me get something off my chest: if you are a heavy Facebook user, you might as well put a big "L" on your forehead. Why? Because in my opinion there are only 3 kinds of Facebook zealots: the Lonely, the Lovers of self (otherwise known as narcissists) and those who are Looking to get Lucky (I could have used another "L" word there, but this is a PG site). In many cases, it's a combination of all three.

And, just so you know, I'm on Facebook. I signed up several years ago because I felt I had to. I was under the impression that, if I was going to be "with it" from a social network perspective, I better be on MySpace, LinkedIn, Plaxo, Twitter and yes, Facebook. I also signed up for a bunch of others that have probably gone out of business by now.

I haven't posted anything on FaceBook other than my basic information when I set it up. The problem is, once I created a page on Facebook, all of these so-called "friends" came out of the woodwork. I couldn't believe the requests I got. Most aren't my real friends; they're people I may have met at some point in my life, but not people I want to hang out with. If I did, I would. But I "friended" them anyway. I'm not sure why; I guess I felt obligated or thought that it would be rude not to. The upshot is, I haven't talked to or even thought about the vast majority of these "friends" in years; probably because they fit one or more of my 3 "L" categories.

Let me give you an example. Here's a real-time scan of what's going on with some of the "friends" from my Facebook wall:

* A former employee of mine posted a picture of her baby sleeping.
* A current employee posted that a new Star Wars movie is coming out.
* A guy I went to high school with - and last talked to the day I graduated - said he's a happy guy but cold.
* The wife of a good friend said she got her beach stickers today.
* A former administrative assistant posted her horoscope.
* A real friend posted an uplifting quote.
* Another "acquaintance" wants me to play something called "Farmville." I have no idea what it is, but I'm having trouble thinking of a more boring name for an online game.
* A guy I know in Japan posted something in Japanese. And something in French.
* Another former employee posted a picture of her baby sleeping.

I kid you not! That's EXACTLY what's on my FaceBook wall right now. Riveting stuff. It's amazing that I can resist looking at FaceBook more than once a month. In truth, I'm not really sure why I look at it that frequently.

Now, you may think I'm a cold-hearted bastard. Maybe I am. But I'll bet my beach stickers there's thousands of CEO's that have the same perspective I do.

Here's the rub. Corporate executives everywhere are besieged by requests from their IT department, their marketing people and especially the HR department to "bring a Facebook-like application" inside the company. Are you kidding me!? Do you think I want my employees spending half their day on internal drivel when they're already spending half their day on external drivel?

Sorry for the rant, but I try not to hire losers and I sure don't want to create more by giving them a loser-creation-application like Facebook. I worry about productivity enough as it is. An internal Facebook-like application in addition to the real Facebook? We might as well just cut our earnings in half right now.

Now, I'm not a total Luddite. I can completely understand the need for an internal social networking system, particularly if that system helps us be more competitive and productive. If we can identify and locating top talent when we need it, we'll have something I've wanted for years. If there's an opening in one area of the company, I'd love to have a system that identifies possible candidates who didn't necessarily apply for it since they might not have known about it. Even if we have projects that require a specialized talent, or negotiations that require someone to speak a foreign language, having a system that helps us know where that talent resides could be a major boon. And I can see where a system that can be updated when employees develop new skills, one that act as a "baseball card" for employees, would be very helpful. Like an online resume that gets continually updated.

Wait. I know a system like that. And ironically it begins with an "L." It's called LinkedIn and it's the only social network I actually find useful. If someone pitched that to me internally, I'd sign off on it before you could tag a picture of your baby sleeping.

But I doubt HR will ever bring something like that to me. They're probably too busy playing Farmville or posting their horoscope.

Losers.