What’s in a Word? Part I
by Rebecca Harris, MA, LPC
Week one: Excuse or Reason.
Were you ever told, “you are what you eat”? That always sounded rather ridiculous to me, because I felt fine after eating anything, and thought that bit of advice was, well a bit hokey and over the top. Now that I’m much older and wiser, not only does that make sense to me, but that logic can be applied to other habits we have as well.
As therapists we are privileged to hear people’s personal stories, and how they manage to navigate through life. One thing is very clear for all people, that we often believe what we say to be true. How we think about an issue or problem greatly reflects our ability to confront a situation. When I continue to make excuses for my behavior, I am not accepting the responsibility of admitting I can change it if I choose to. When I have a reason, i.e., an honest explanation, then I am aware that I am accepting responsibility for that outcome.
It is important to listen to yourself talk and how you account for things in your life. Do you continually make excuses? If so, maybe a resolution would be to see if you could change how you perceive things, and then respond more authentically.
An excuse is an evasion or avoidance of responsibility. A reason is an explanation. A valid reason will limit excuses, because you admit there were other choices or ways to resolve what happened. You’ll be surprised at how much more empowering it can be when we actually hear what we say, and then challenge ourselves to the truth in it. It’s kind of like eating well. If I eat healthy foods I functions better. If I eliminate excuses and accept responsibility, then I’m on my way to becoming accountable and possibly feeling better too!
Example:
Excuse - I couldn’t get milk because the store was closed.
Reason - I didn’t get the milk because I didn’t leave enough time, the store was closed, and I didn’t know where else to go. The difference may be subtle, the outcome is the same, but in the second response, responsibility is being accepted.
This week, listen to yourself. Are you making excuses for falling short on your personal expectations? Or are there valid reasons?
Next week, we’ll look again at how two words can change the way we think and act. You are what you believe.
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George "Bud" Wassell, M.S., LPC, CEAP
Director, Solutions EAP
213 Court Street
Middletown, CT 06457
800-526-3485
fax: 860-704-6221
http://www.solutions-eap.com
