The Dumbest Questions Asked of HR by CEOs

Q: Can I issue a policy that no women should be hired for this position?

A: How about waiting until next week? The legal defense funds are a little low now.

Q: How much money do I make?

A: Too much.

Q: Can we cancel the sick people from our insurance?

A: OK, but we'll have to start with you.

A: Can you lower my salary while I'm going through my divorce proceedings? I don't want to have my child-support payments based on this high salary.

A: If it would help, we could stop paying you at all.

Q: Why does HR need a budget?

A: Well, we're really getting too busy to keep having those bake sales.

Q: Can you train the managers to like their people?

A: Yes, just as soon as we've trained them to like you.

Q: Can you find my wife a babysitter?

A: Sure. How much do you pay someone to watch her?

Q: Why does everyone complain that they don't get to spend enough time with their families?

A: Because it's hard to help the kids with their homework between 1:00 and 4:00 a.m.

Q: (Holding a W-2 form) What's this?

A: That's the little certificate showing that the IRS is a majority shareholder in your income.

Q: Why do we have to control excessive absenteeism?

A: Let's discuss it when I'm back in the office next month.