When we read a news story about a man shooting his uncle over a card game, the incident shocks us because of the enormity of the deed in response to the provocation. In such incidents, we can be sure the immediate act was not the whole of the situation. Words and feelings always have a context. A friend says to you: "There are so many rumors going around in my company that you never know from one day to the next if we're going to be merged, acquired, or just laid off. I'm not sure whether I'd be canned or not. So I can't decide about buying that house. We'd have to do some remodeling, for sure. The mortgage payments really will stretch us, and if Jill decides to switch careers, that'll affect our cash flow severely. I'm totally puzzled about the next step."

With this comment, you have a broad context to understand the whole situation: the rumors at work, the spouse's job uncertainty, the remodeling necessary. But what if the friend said only: "I can't decide about buying that house. We'd have to do some remodeling"? You might respond by talking about the pros and cons of the house-the location, the down payment, the interest rate, the condition of the inside. And you'd be way off base about the total meaning.

Words do not mean much outside the context of someone's experience and situation. Probe for the context so you can listen adequately and respond appropriately.