Warming Cold Shoulders
"what did I do wrong? This smart as a whip, politically astute, ambitious, and determined young lady in my office tried to figure out why, since accepting her promotion, her co-workers were suddenly distant and unfriendly. Sometimes as coach, mentor, Manager, Supervisor you end up trying to interpret what appears to be bizarre idiosyncratic corporate behaviour. Over time however, idiosyncratic becomes surprisingly predictable and if you observe closely (as I like to do) there are patterns. For example, recently a young lady wrote an email to me asking if it was normal that since giving her 2 week notice to leave the company everyone treated her like an outsider...I thought they were my friends. I have witnessed this behaviour many times and experienced it myself.....I wish I knew then what I know now: people need to go through stages to accept changes....of course you know this because you read my May 23rd article (ahem, the article with which you lined the cat's litter box). To help people with change we must: "acknowledge their loss, "allow them time to adjust, "sweeten the deal. I recommend you use the 2 week notice period or the "transition time between positions to apply these tactics. As in the cases above with the two ladies and my own situations we tend to interpret "cold shoulder experience as rejection but they are usually just reacting to the sudden change in the relationship we inadvertently caused. They are feeling hurt from the loss, not mad at what you have acquired. Sadly, people take a promotion thinking everyone has "turned on them or is "jealous and no one speaks to each other. This same type of situation plays out in our personal lives between friends and family: for example one friend gets active, loses a ton of weight, and looks fantastic (hmmmpf!). The other friend becomes "cold to these changes. The friend with "hot new body sees this "cold shoulder behaviour as jealousy and non supportive. The issue is not what the friend has acquired: new body.... but the bond that has been lost: "being out of shape together. Back to the workplace where the same types of bonds exist. Simply "rise above the "unfriendliness and reach out by sitting down with them during the notice period or transition period so you can "acknowledge their loss. Say something like: I know that this promotion will mean I have to move to another department and we can't have our morning coffee like we usually do..... I am really going to miss that. However, how about once I get settled in (giving time to adjust) we make a commitment to have lunch every two weeks so we can catch up on what is new (Sweeten the deal). Don't expect a big Bear Hug at this point, however, but with time they will be back to their old selves when you follow up with them. Educating everyone on the elements of addressing change not just change happening to themselves but how they affect others will support co-workers and employees moving around within a company. Especially for Generation Y's whose loyalty to the work group is stronger than to their supervisor or the company.....helping them transition will encourage them to do so more often. You don't want a culture where individuals defer getting ahead in favour of "staying in the group to avoid dissention. Create a culture where group members frequently move around in and out of work groups.....this way... the climate and everyone's shoulders will stay warm!!
Monique Brennan, BA, MSc. CHRP works with businesses to improve their workplace and coaches junior HR practitioners how to leap ahead in their careers! mqcoach@nb.sympatico.ca.