It was sometime after dinner when my MBA wife calmly told our twelve-year old son: "Shut up, sit down and just do what you´re told."

Not exactly his three core competencies. 

And not exactly her most motivational moment.

Some Background

Our family had just finished eating and we were trying to get the table cleared, garbage emptied and homework done.  The atmosphere was tense: nerves were frayed, tempers short, and patience running thin.  In other words, it was a normal night for a family with two adolescent boys.

But something told me that our household needn´t be this way.

With over 20 years on the job, I found myself wondering: if corporate life benefits from implementing Best Practices might this be true for our home life as well?  After all, my wife and I are knowledgeable business professionals.  We´ve reengineered our workplace, implemented process improvements and aggressively managed performance.  Why not just do the same at home?

We´ve spent the last 6 months giving it a try ... with somewhat mixed results.

Creating a Learning Organization

Peter Senge talks glowingly about organizational learning.  He maintains that our desire to learn is deeply rooted in our human nature and a critical component for organizational success.  The challenge for business leaders is to create the necessary environment where people can use all their intellectual power to advance themselves and contribute to corporate growth.

As parents, we take our children´s learning seriously and we regularly go out of our way to expose them to new and interesting experiences.  But alas, our visit to a museum is judged boring.  Anything connected to art is ridiculed.  Attendance at religious services is greeted with public disdain. 

Baseball games fare a lot better.  Hockey, though violent, is cherished.  And going to a movie garnishes their highest rating, especially if we let them get popcorn. 

I took the boys to Manhattan last month, the cultural center of the world, and their peak experience resided in viewing the rodents running free on the subway tracks.  Our visit to the Bronx Zoo went no better: they were most intrigued with the pigeons - a few of which they almost caught.

My wife and I consider reading to be a critical factor in their personal development.  Both kids are required to read for thirty minutes each day.  But they cheat.  And when they get caught, they lie. And when they´re not cheating or lying, they blame: anybody, everybody ... and especially each other.  "He came in my room and threw a sock at me.  How am I supposed to read when I´m getting attacked by a moron?"

Creating a Learning Environment at our house has proven to be a bit more challenging than we expected. While there is often a lot of energy expended on learning, it´s seldom the kind we´d prefer. 

Building on People´s Strengths

In organizing and distributing work, it´s best to align it with the talents of your work force.  Marcus Buckingham reminds us to stop focusing on people´s deficiencies and simply let them do what they´re naturally good at.  It improves morale, productivity and overall company performance.

My wife and I have already clearly identified our children´s strengths.  One is a natural at avoiding responsibility.  Computers are left on, lights burn brightly during mid-day and candy wrappers mysteriously show up beneath his pillow - all without his active involvement.  "Don´t look at me; I didn´t do it..." has become his personal Brand Statement.

His brother has a talent for walking right past dirty cloths and not picking them up.  He holds that he doesn´t even see them.  We wondered if he had temporary blindness due to a neurological disorder.  The doctors found nothing.  We feared that if we had them peer further into his brain, they´d still find nothing: literally and figuratively.  At least nothing of value for improving the cleanliness of his room. 

A final skill both boys possess is spending inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom.  Especially when there´s work to be done.  Bladders and bowels seem to get little use until the garbage has to go out or hampers need emptying.  And when they´re finally through in the bathroom, its condition is reminiscent of New Orleans after Katrina came ashore: water, waste and toxic fumes all over the place.  My wife´s considered contacting FEMA for a Disaster Recovery Loan.

We continue assiduously searching for how to apply these innate natural talents to the better running of the household ... but with little success.

Managing Individual Performance

For the well running of the organization, it´s critical to establish effective performance criteria.  Quantifiable goals that define Threshold, Target and Outstanding levels of performance need to be clearly defined to hold people accountable for results.  High performers need to be identified and rewarded.  Poor performers need to be developed and, if necessary, exited from the organization.  Peer reviews and forced rankings are critical for the long-term success of any performance program.

As parents, we´ve given considerable attention to drafting job descriptions for both boys, defining tasks, clearly articulating desired levels of performance and offering generous compensation packages for superior accomplishments.  When job performance drops below acceptable levels, we hold individual coaching sessions to identify errors and mutually write a developmental plan to insure progress.  We likewise invite their input in crafting measurable objectives and offer them support for accomplishing these tasks, all with the hopeful outcome of goal achievement and a generous payout - for both them and us.

But our plans started to go South from the outset.   Sibling rivalry seems to hold more sway than monetary incentives. Bickering, blaming and bludgeoning quickly ensue.  And on occasion, bloodshed.  "He started it first," seems to dominate every performance discussion. 

Attempts to hold them accountable were regularly met with cries of "That´s not my job," and performance criteria were routinely dismissed with "I don´t remember agreeing to that."   On rare occasions, individual coaching sessions generated tearful repentance and a change in behavior; more frequently, we were subjected to tantrums and wanton disrespect for legitimate authority. 

Compensation, in the form of a weekly allowance, was generally commensurate with each boy´s individual performance.  But I admit that after awhile we became very receptive to offering bribes to achieve even lackluster results.  Even with these frequent infusions of corporate largess, staff remained cynical and recalcitrant.

My wife and I are presently in contact with Performance Management experts from the West Coast for advice.  They have years of experience in Prison Reform.   We are optimistic.

Holding People Accountable for Results

As Jim Collins reminds us, it´s not sufficient to wax eloquently on business theory, we must execute for successful outcomes.  This holds true for our home life as well.  Case in point:

As a parent, I know that calcium is important.  And if you don´t get enough of it when you´re young, you suffer the rest of your life with the consequences.  I keep reminding the boys of that reality all the time.  And that´s why they MUST drink their milk at breakfast before they leave for school.  Because I have to get to the office early, I´m not usually around to make sure they do it.  The older one, Chris, willingly complies.  His younger brother, Matt, couldn´t care less.  I keep threatening him: "If you don´t drink your milk, I´ll get you up at 5 a.m. to have breakfast with me before I leave for work.  I´ll make sure you drink it then."

Unlike what happens at work, my warnings fell on deaf ears and I was forced to deliver on my threat.  At five the following morning, while the house was still dark and cold, I went into Matt´s room, flipped on all the lights, slapped at his feet and told him to wake up and come downstairs for breakfast.  Huddled in the darkness of the winter morn, while his older brother slept warm and sound upstairs, I forced him to eat his breakfast alone with me, making sure that he drank his full glass of milk.  Confident that this hard-line management approach had made its rightful impression, I reminded him:  "And if I can´t trust you to drink your milk at breakfast, I´ll continue waking you up early to do it with me."

Unfortunately, his normal youthful energy prevailed and he looked back with a smile:  "Hey Dad, eating all alone with you in the dark is neat!  Could I do it again tomorrow?"

The Wharton School of Business is presently writing this up as a Case Study for their new Executive Development Program.

A Final Ray of Hope

Even though our kids seldom comply with Standard Operating Procedures, they do manage to get by.  And on some days, actually thrive. They have an uncanny ability to manipulate the system and circumvent most of the rules to get exactly what they want and need.  In the business literature, they refer to this quality as Emotional Intelligence.  Here in New York, it´s called Street Smarts.

In the midst of our household chaos, the boys seem to be learning things about themselves, others and life in general.  Even though they continue to exhibit personality traits that we find repulsive and annoying, others experience these same qualities as endearing and refreshing.  Go figure.

This all appears to go against the orderly implementation of business Best Practices, yet seems to follow that innate law of nature: "Life longs for order, but uses messes to get there." 

Like generations before us, we remain hopeful that our children will grow up and take their rightful place in the world of work.  My wife and I just want to make sure that when they do, we´re not the ones responsible for managing their performance.

No fools, we.

P.S.  If you´re thinking about writing me, give in to the temptation.   I love getting mail ... and being influenced by what you have to say.  Please e-mail me at kennythemonk@yahoo.com.