A co-worker of yours has been in the military reserve for five years and was deployed for active duty. They have been in Iraq, or Afghanistan and will soon be returning home and back to work. You may be doing many of the tasks assigned to them and you have concerns about their return. You may have to work directly with them while they transition back to work. You are not sure how to respond to them when they return. Do you ask questions about their experience or not? You have strong feelings about the war, should you discuss them with the person returning? You may have strong feelings about doing their work while they were away.
Or perhaps you work with the partner of someone called to active duty. That person has confided in you and now you are not sure what your role is going to be. What do you do? This article is going to address some of the issues related to co-workers who are either in the military or co-workers in a relationship with a military person on active duty. The person may be about to return home. We will discuss what is helpful and supportive. We will discuss what is not helpful and not supportive. We will also provide some web sites found while doing this research that you may access for added support and information.
It is assumed that the person who has been on active duty has been in some pretty intense situations. If they are in the reserves they more than likely have trained and worked closely with most members of their unit. Not all members of their unit may be returning home with them. Some will return physically and/or emotionally injured. Their lives have been changed forever. They will be returning to a great deal of change and with that comes many questions for them also. How will I reenter my family? My workplace? What changes have occurred since I left? How will I be accepted after being on active duty? They have been in a situation completely different than their home situation. They may have had many moments of high anxiety, excitement and fear with people they became very close with. They are no longer in daily contact with those people.
One of the first things to remember is that although you may have a heavier workload, or a different job, you have been working daily and the changes that may have occurred have been gradual for you. The person returning from active duty has been away from the "normal" daily routine, away from family and friends. One of the first things to remember is to GO SLOW. The first day your co-worker returns is not the best time to dump all the problems and changes on him or her. GIVE THEM SOME SPACE to reacclimatize to the workplace.
You may have strong feelings about the war and keeping them to yourself at this time is appropriate. Your co-worker looks on his/her military duty as a job they accepted. They don´t make the rules or decisions. They do their job to the best of their ability just as any of us do. They may or may not agree with your political views but NOW MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO DISCUSS THE POLITICS OF THE WAR.
THE RETURNING EMPLOYEE DID NOT MAKE THE DECISION ABOUT YOUR WORK LOAD IN HIS OR HER ABSENCE. You may harbor some resentment about the workload you have carried in the person´s absence; this is something to workout with yourself. Talking it out with your supervisor before the person returns may help you make the reintegration positive for both of you. They are in an awkward position just as you are. Working it out together can benefit both of you.
You may want to acknowledge their return with a welcoming event. Checking with them may be important. Some people may feel awkward about the attention others may welcome it. I spoke with a co-worker about his return and he felt welcomed by his co-workers and did not necessarily want any added attention. He felt that his co-workers deserved as much acknowledgement for carrying the load while he was gone as he did serving in the military.
On The Home Front
Let´s focus on the partner who has been keeping the "home fires burning" while their loved one has been away. Some military families may have more difficulty than others in making the transition when their soldier returns. You may have a co-worker in this situation. They have taken on all the tasks of running the home and family, something they may not have done in the past. They may realize they are good at organization and like being in charge. Or others may have found this a difficult time and have symptoms of serious stress. You are an important piece of their support network providing a friendly ear and helpful suggestions. You may even be more involved with helping.
Now the soldier is returning. There is excitement, anxiety, happiness and sadness involved with his/her return. Just as the soldier has concerns about their welcome so does the one who remained home. Will their partner be different? How will they navigate the reentry into the family? How will the children respond? How do things change financially? If the soldier has been injured how will that affect the family structure? What is your new role going to be? How does your support change? All of these feelings are normal responses to the situation.
They are looking forward to reuniting as a family, but they can be two different people now. Both have changed through this experience. If there are children they may have been very young when the soldier left for active duty and may have no memory of them. Or they do remember them and are angry that they left them. The children may also resent the soldier returning and taking up the "parental role". You have stepped into a supportive role and may be privy to the fears and anxieties of your co-worker. What is going to be your role? You may have to step back and give the family space to work out their reintegration.
While family expectations may be high it may be necessary to slow down and let things settle down upon the soldiers return. He or she may want to spend time alone with their partner and children. Others may be comfortable with a huge welcome home. Let the family decide. Reintegration may be easier if the family does pleasurable things together, perhaps as a couple and the soldier with their children. The time for thanking everyone involved in supporting the entire family in many different ways will come.
As a main support, you can be helpful to the family. You may volunteer to act as a buffer to the outside world for a time, allowing the family to reunite at their pace. You may be the one to arrange the return home party. You may be the one to answer questions co-workers have about the situation. Time is the best friend the family can have and you may be able to help them have that time.
Sometimes the reintegration is difficult and the family needs some outside help. This is when your EAP can provide support. There is much more emphasis on the psychological stress brought on by separation and trauma in this war than any other in the past. The military has behavioral health professionals working closely with active duty military, which seems to be helping. It has encouraged soldiers to discuss the issues that are bothering them. This can lead to less resistance for outside help when they get home.
Although this is a very happy time it is also a difficult time for all involved so be gentle with yourself, your partner, family and your support network.
Support Options
The soldiers returning home from war are facing a very different world than they have been in for the last year. Many issues surface when they return to the day to day world they left. According to an article in the New York Times on January 16, 2006, "reservists who toggle between the civilian and military world, seem to have the hardest transition." The reservists were initially sent to war as supporters for the active duty military. There roles have changed and many are now actively involved in combat. When active duty military come home they are sent to a base, surrounded by other military and provided support by mental health workers, chaplains and peers. The reservists may have a very public welcome home and then they go to their homes alone. Some have great support systems, others have limited support. This is when it can get difficult.
According to an article in the New York Times on November 26, 2005 the military is actively offering psychological support for the service men and women on active duty in Iraq and Afgahnistan. This hopefully will encourage people to seek out these services if needed when they return home. The reaction of people here to the war and the returning veterans spans a wide range of emotions and can change on a daily basis. For those people returning it may be important for them to seek out help from a professional to sort out the emotions they experience upon a return to civilian life. For the folks welcoming home veterans of this war (or any other for that matter) it is important to remember that the soldiers signed up to do a job - it may not be the one you would choose - but they did. We own them the respect for the job they have done. They also need to respect the job we have done here at home supporting them and their families. Maybe you did two jobs while your co-worker was on active duty, that was your contribution to the job given us as a nation. Whatever your personal politics are, the issues related to returning veterans are separate. You may be very much opposed to the war or very supportive, whatever your personal political view, it has very little to do with a co-worker or family member returning from a very difficult situation. Think about how you would want to be greeted after being away from all that is familiar to you, under constant danger, maybe watching good friends die, and not sure when or if you are going home.
If you or a family member find you are having a difficut time please seek out support. You always have your EAP to call. Remember it is confidential and available to employees and their family members. Following are some of the web sites and articles I found in my research for this article.
WEB SITES:
www.afcrossroads.com - Air Force Crossroads
www.usuhs.mil/csts - Courage To Care -A Health Promotion Campaign from Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences, your federal medical school
www.nmha.org - National Mental Health Association
ARTICLES:
The Struggle to Gauge a War´s Psychological Cost to Those in the Service by Benedict Carey, New York Times, November 26, 2005
The Stress of Guarding the Couch; When Soldiers Come Marching Home, Trauma Often Sets In by Jeffrey Gettleman, New York Times, January 15, 2006
Reunion and Work, Air Force Crossroads? Family Separation and Readiness
Call Solutions EAP at 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all of life's challenges. It´s free, confidential and open to your family members. Check us out on-line at www.solutions-eap.com
