We've looked at how, for a variety of reasons, these thresholders find it more difficult to achieve independence, financial and otherwise. And some do rely on their family to support them or at least provide partial support. Some families welcome their twixters back and some struggle when they return to the empty nest.
What would you do? Now, you didn't expect that I really had the answer to the question: What's a Parent To Do? Boot 'em out or support them? This series of e-tips has evoked some interesting responses from the "support-em-no matter-what" side to the "boot-em-out-and-let-em-sink-or-swim" side. Who's right? I don't know. Each family must make their own decision.
Here are a few trends and suggestions about raising and living with twixters:
- They're not going away. In fact, in another generation we may be talking about this as a normal developmental stage.
- There may be a biological basis to this stage in the twixter's brain development. The brain grows into the 20's so maybe our cultural expectations are coming more in line with the normal development of the brain.
- It may seem like some twixters have been overindulged, but they could use some selective support. When parents take the time to discuss their kids' goals and values and dreams, the more they sympathize with them and offer tangible support and the easier the transition becomes.
How can a parent help? Dr. Mel Levine outlines these steps in his book, Ready or Not, Here Life Comes:
- It is important for strong family ties and trust to prevail when a twixter seems to be floundering aimlessly.
- Parents should be careful to not be disappointed in their child.
- Show strong interest and respect for your child's endeavors no matter how ill conceived they may seem.
- Help in exploring options for the future.
- Offer career advice respectfully
- These new adults should feel they are respected, appreciated and supported by the family.
If you're parenting a younger child:
- Help your kids figure out who they are.
- Talk about the future on a regular basis
- Don't focus on just college, but discuss life after college.
- Discuss the joys and downsides of your own career.
- Build your kids work skills
- Place time limits on leisure activities
- Help kids develop coping strategies
- Make sure that childhood is not an impossible act to follow.
Back to my story. I have said all along, I don't regret my own twixter period. Did my parents despair? I am sure they worried, but they had their own lives to live and 5 other kids to pay attention to. And I was pretty independent (and stubborn) and probably wouldn't have followed their advice anyway if they had pushed it on me. So maybe there's a lesson in there for all of us.
Read:
Part 1
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