Pink Slipper Peril
The virtual workplace has arrived, and apart from all of the dull technology issues associated with this new big thing, the compelling questions of fashion and personal presentation have returned in force.

"The realities of the virtual workplace are new to a lot of people, and the potential downside is catastrophic," noted Darian Morris, chairman of the Los Angeles-based Institute for the Advancement of Regressive Corporate Fashion (IARCF). "The reality is that serious injuries - both physical and career-ending - are becoming the rule."

Morris described the plight of one executive, working at a home office with hardwood flooring. This chief financial officer had finished his segment of a virtual presentation and walked across the room to grab his mug of cappuccino. No problem, except that Mr. CFO''s attire du jour included a pair of hard-soled pink bunny slippers of the slip-in variety. The clopping noise echoed through the room and when he had returned to the conference call he was finally forced to admit the nature of his footwear. Transition plans were in place within a week.

Morris cited another example in which the overly large belt buckle of a Dallas-based instructional designer had caused irreversible discoloration around her navel. "When it comes to virtual classrooms and meetings, slouching is part of the deal," Morris said. "We can either try to eliminate slouching, which isn''t going to happen, or we can encourage business people to dress sensibly."

Back Scratching and Power Napping
The IARCF and other international agencies have jointly produced a guide, Dressing for the Virtual World, to help those whose job roles have changed.

"Frankly, your dog or cat doesn''t give a damn about that gorgeous Armani suit. If your co-worker is prone to shedding and likes to hop onto your lap, black wool is the wrong way to go. The big issues now are clearance for back scratching - which demands wide necks for both men''s and women''s tops - and clothing that handles the transition from power-napping to power-meeting, sometimes several times within an hour."

"Space age fabrics can fill the need," according to Stephanie Brenan of New York-based Nothing Natural Clothing(tm). "Now that you don''t really have to look good, we can focus on synthetics that don''t require a lot of the overhead and expense, like laundering and tailoring. The money we save by reusing designs from 30 years ago allows us to plow R&D funding into more practical fabrics. Our Eternalon(tm), for example. You can buff your car with this, slip it on and then run off to a conference call. It works great even on dark finishes and doesn''t leave swirl marks. I mean, so you smell like car wax for a while. It''s a conference call. Who cares?"

Available online, Dressing for the Virtual World catalogues a range of thought-provoking and practical alternatives for the stay-at-home executive. Nothing Natural''s innovative summer collection makes extensive use of Eternalon(tm) and complementary synthetics to marry corporate chic with 21st century comfort.

"Although comfort was our primary driver, we weren''t going to compromise on quality and style," Morris said. "Our research told us that virtual workers wanted guidelines, but also to retain their individuality and the more relaxed look. Office attire had been their mainstay for years, but in the virtual workplace, the fashion lines were blurred. They didn''t know where to turn for advice. Particularly with video conferencing becoming de rigueur, how to achieve comfort, while remaining ready to present professionally, seems to have been causing many a morning headache."

Nothing Natural''s Virtual Corporate Collection(tm) is a unique combination of separates and co-ordinates that should have wide ranging appeal in the virtual workplace.

"There''s something for everyone," Morris said. "With the subdued hues and fresh corporate look, the combination possibilities are endless. Or you can wear the same thing every day. I mean, who cares?"

If you''re not the mix and match type, though, the handbook still has you covered with an indispensable three-tiered matrix guide accompanying the Virtual Corporate Collection(tm). Easy to use, the matrix is scenario based and event driven - a combination that will ensure a successful selection every time. "It''s a role-based, blended approach," Morris said.

For Brenan, the stand-out feature of the collection is the Corporate Sweat Suit(tm), a clear winner for flair, creativity and overall ergonomic design. "The suit is a real breakthrough for virtual workers, one which is poised to revolutionize our whole approach to the virtual working environment," she said. Crafted entirely from Eternalon(tm), the Sweat Suit comes in a range of color combinations, is suitable for both men and women and can be worn for weeks on end with only a quick wipe down. It features innovative enhancements such as three-quarter length sleeves to enable unrestricted use of the keyboard, a wider neckline for back scratching and padded elbows to reduce table-top induced calluses.

Importantly, the design readily adapts for more formal occasions with an easily attachable snap-lock collar and tie for men, and a choice of optional scarf, faux fur or cameo brooch for the ladies.

Beyond the Wardrobe
Both Morris and Brenan contend that virtual fashions must be complemented by fastidious attention to personal non-presentation.

"Even more so than in the office environment, personal grooming is under the spotlight in the virtual workplace," said Brenan. "Too many people, especially those new to the virtual work environment, fall into the trap of letting themselves go when they are no longer meeting clients or co-workers face-to-face." Fingernails are a common problem, she said. "People need to realize that the tap, tap, tapping of long finger nails on the keyboard is a dead giveaway that your attention is elsewhere. You don''t have to ditch the nails, but a little forethought and a pair of color coordinated gloves can go a long way to solving the problem."

Ten Faux-Pas of the Virtual World
Dressing for the virtual world is part of the picture. But virtual etiquette includes more than fashion.

1. French cuffs, invented long before the wrist supporter most virtual workers use with their PC mouse. Solution: Men, wear a clean white T-shirt beneath and remove your dress shirt when at your desk. Even in the real workplace, co-workers will admire your ''digital hipness''. Be sure the T-shirt is clean. Stains are still not hip.
2. Tight jeans ride up during intense slouching, hunched-over-the-PC sessions, and affect male voices during conference calls and online collaboration sessions.
3. Hastily bound-up-in-a-paper-clamp hair for women sounds like a good idea until that virtual meeting turns into a video conference.
4. Wool socks, slippers or stockings on carpeted surfaces generate static electricity in dry climes. Static electricity can destroy your electronic data.
5. Pretzels, beer and keyboards don''t mix. Just ask the guy whose ''Z'' key became stuck during a text chat session due to the hard crumbs mixing with stale beer residue in his laptop keyboard.
6. Hold music. Nothing enhances a 50-way conference call more than when some idiot puts everyone on hold for 10 minutes of Barry Manilow or ABBA.
7. Waking up three minutes before your online meeting. Believe it or not, you will sound like you woke up three minutes before the meeting. Unless you''re Tony Bennett or Kiri Te Kanawa, set your alarm earlier and save the bedroom voice for later.
8. Wearing your headset outside. If you wear a headset with a built-in microphone, remember to remove it before stepping outside to chat with your neighbors. You may think you look great wearing it, but really you don''t.
9. Conducting a virtual meeting while driving. Whether it''s a conference call or wireless online meeting, your driving skills are probably such that you can''t afford to sacrifice 93 percent of your attention. Save your time behind the wheel for proper activities, such as reviewing documents, applying condiments to fast food and performance testing your new tires.
10. Dual phone syndrome. If you want to make friends, remember to turn your mobile phone ringer up to full volume then place it adjacent to the microphone on your speakerphone. The amplification and distortion are a real treat for the other participants.