Having A Best Friend At Work Matters

Building a sense of belonging at work

At a time when companies are struggling to attract and retain employees, many managers are willing to do just about anything to set themselves apart, except when it comes to cultivating a best friend, a “work spouse,” or even romance at work.  

Longstanding data from Gallup shows that those who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be highly engaged in their work. Yet, despite this data, many managers scoff at this idea claiming that they aren’t at work to make friends or that it’s not their job to ensure that their team members get along.

I’ve worked with over 10,000 managers now in our Managers on the Move program, empowering them to become multipliers of well-being. In this program, we explore the various aspects of well-being, including social well-being. Through data, I show participating managers how being connected with others, including co-workers, is not only good for us as human beings, but it’s also good for business. Despite the multitude of benefits, however, I have found that this best friend stat often draws more ire from my participating managers than any other stat I provide. 

The concept of a “work spouse” can seem even more out of range. While managers and CEOs can adamantly reject this idea, an Office Pulse survey indicates that nearly three out of 10 (29%) workers already have one. 

A work spouse, as characterized by the job search engine Simply Hired, is a “colleague you have a strong friendship with, who is the gender you're attracted to, and with whom you have a bond that resembles that of a married couple.” In other words, it’s an intimate work-friend. 

Studies show that having these affectionate, yet strictly platonic relationships, can be key to increasing productivity, motivation, psychological safety and achievement at work, not to mention serving as key antidotes to stress at work. Take for example, Condoleeza Rice and George Bush or Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa. According to the same Office Pulse survey, those who have a work spouse are nearly three times more likely to feel connected to their colleagues, compared to those who don’t.

Dating in the office might also lead to bottom-line benefits. In fact, one accounting firm I worked with, actually encouraged inter-office dating, believing that it helped with the overall company culture. Here, co-worker marriages were heartily endorsed and celebrated. While considered taboo by many, workplace romance is not only common (33 percent of U.S. workers report that they’re currently in or have been in a relationship with a coworker), but has actually increased by six percentage points since the start of the pandemic, according to a survey by SHRM.

To be sure, work spouses and/or dating in the office gets a lot more complicated in the age of the #MeToo movement, and for good reason. But even as we navigate these complexities, every organization and every leader needs to employ effective strategies to ensure meaningful and deep social connections at work. Strong social connections, whether platonic or not, are fundamental to ensuring a positive work culture, and in turn, ensuring that employees are productive, engaged and likely to stay. In the time of the Great Resignation, every organization needs to find effective ways to build a sense of belonging at work. 

Here are three ways each can:

Foster Real Friendships

Avoid the lame team-building events or strained happy hours. Instead, offer opportunities for authentic conversations. Consider, for example, one manager who participated in our Managers on the Move program. Afterwards, he began asking his team members more “real” questions in his one-on-ones, such as, “What are you thankful for? What motivates you? If you could go anywhere, where would it be?”

Address Root Causes

Why don't coworkers feel connected with one another? More often than not, it has to do with deeper, organizational issues, such as toxicity tolerated, overly competitive work culture, lack of transparency, or ranking systems that pit coworkers against one another. Not only do these competitive structures undermine friendships at work, they also demotivate employees, according to a study out of Wharton.

Build a Culture of Well-Being

Ultimately, a company that fosters belonging at work is one in which the company culture and environment itself support well-being. Individuals are not left to fend for themselves or admonished to practice more “self-care” without organizational or managerial support. Rather, it is a company that supports its managers in providing more “team care” and it is one that develops systems like Microsoft’s Family Caregiver Family Leave, giving employees up to four weeks of paid leave to care for a relative. These organizational and team-based systems are what help people to feel like their company actually cares about them.

While it might be hard to wrap your head around the idea of having a best friend at work or encouraging others to do so, the research is clear - having a best friend at work creates a positive workplace culture where employees feel valued and engaged. 

Author Bio

Laura Putnam is a health and wellness expert, international public speaker and author of “Workplace Wellness That Works.” As CEO of Motion Infusion and creator of Managers on the Move, she has spent the past decade using her energy and insights to inspire organizations and businesses to think differently about their employees’ health and well-being.   Connect Laura Putnam