Five Powerful Methods That Make You More Assertive

There is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive

It's not always easy to be yourself in meetings. There's something a little bit artificial about them, and it can make an otherwise assertive person feel less confident about speaking up. 

There is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Check out 4 signs that indicate you are not being assertive enough during meetings.
  Try to remember that you're at the meeting because your input is important. People want you to express your views and make contributions or they wouldn't have invited you to the meeting. It is possible to disagree politely and constructively. Show you understand and respect what they've said. For example, you might say “I'm just checking that I understand, you're proposing to ….” And then you could say something like “While I understand your idea and reasons, I feel a different approach could be more productive.”



2. You sometimes agree to take on an action point even though you don't really want to because you feel awkward saying no in front of the whole meeting.
Assertiveness is a skill that is learned with practice. Saying no is tricky for a lot of people because many of us really value being seen as helpful and cooperative. It can feel really “wrong” to say no, especially in a relatively public forum of a meeting. If no feels too uncomfortable, try the qualified yes.“Yes, I can take on that action point, but because of my current workload, I'm not going to be able to deliver that for two weeks. Is there anyone else who could get it done sooner?” Our Trainer Shona Ward has some great advice about how to say no without coming across as rude or unhelpful.

3. You keep your opinions to yourself especially if you think others are going to disagree with you.
Your expertise and opinions are really valuable. Get them out there! If you're worried that other people are going to shoot you down in flames, take some time before the meeting to anticipate any objections and gather evidence and arguments that will support your point of view.

4. You find it hard to get a word in.
If you've been a bit shy and retiring at meetings in the past, people may not be expecting to hear from you. Your body language can help people notice you. Sit upright and lean slightly forward with your hands visible on the table. Keep eye contact with people who are speaking. If you feel like you're not likely to get the floor it might be worth speaking to the person chairing the meeting in advance and telling him/her you've got some points you want to make about a particular agenda item.

Understanding if you have a problem with assertiveness is just the first step. If you do feel like any of the above applies to you, then here are 5 tips on how to be more assertive at work.

Understand Assertiveness

As we said before, there is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Assertiveness is an interpersonal skill that needs to be learned and nurtured. It’s a healthy mix of being confident and respecting the opinions of others.

Recognize Your Value

The first thing you should do in order to become assertive is to understand your own value. Take a step back and have a period of self-reflection about how you contribute to your workplace and your positive attributes..You should have a realistic understanding of what you can do free of any doubt or overconfidence. Figure out what you are good at and what things you need to improve on and only then will you feel competent and confident to stand up for yourself. 

Learn to Say No

Saying no can often be daunting, particularly to those who are people-pleasers. It’s often easier to say yes, even if it would be an inconvenience for you. That’s because helping others feels good. However, you need to set boundaries. Recognize how much your time is worth and take your own mental health into consideration before taking on added responsibilities. Learn to say no or try to renegotiate responsibilities to times that better suit you.

Practice Makes Perfect

Before every meeting, try to practice what you want to say. Try to find the right words and tone of voice to accurately convey what it is that you want to say. If you come in with a plan, there is far less chance of rambling, which makes your points come across that much clearer. That’s why coming into a meeting and fully understanding what you want to get out of it will do wonders for your confidence. 

Say What You Want

Starting sentences with ‘I’ railroads you into making an assertive statement. Say ‘I want’, ‘I feel’, ‘I dislike’ followed by exactly what it is that you want to say. Follow this formula and be honest with yourself about what it is that you really want. That way you will not only appear more assertive but also feel more confident.

Christine Macdonald is the Founder of The Hub Events. Christine started her career in sales and marketing, moving into learning and development over 15 years ago. She’s got a keen interest in employee engagement, performance management, and learning evaluation. Connect Christine Macdonald