6 Keys To Develop Life-Changing Relationships With Your Mentees

The relationally intelligent mentor

The great film director and movie producer Steven Spielberg once said, “the delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your image but in giving them the opportunity to create their own.” In many organizations today, mentoring is used to develop team members and ensure that employees feel connected to their companies. It provides a sense of community, which leads to higher levels of employee engagement, retention of talent, and enhanced organizational commitment. Mentors can be valuable resources to employees in providing them with guidance on career management and navigating organizational politics. 
 

One of the most important factors when it comes to mentoring is how to build a successful mentor-mentee relationship. There are many things that come into play when building these types of relationships. Mentees need to be clear about their personal goals and what they hope to get out of the relationship. They must be committed to learning and growth, and be proactive in taking the initiative to begin a mentoring relationship. Mentors, on the other hand, need to set clear time-management expectations and what they can offer to the mentee. They need to be engaged and open to sharing their knowledge, expertise, and experience. And most importantly, they must practice the skills of relational intelligence.

Relational intelligence is the ability to successfully connect with people and build strong, long-lasting relationships. Relationally intelligent mentors practice five specific skills that enable them to have a life-changing impact on their mentees. They know how to establish rapport in the early stages of the relationship to create an initial positive connection. They take time to understand others by putting in the time and effort needed on a consistent basis to get to know their mentees on a deep level. They embrace individual differences by acknowledging and accepting various backgrounds and experiences of others. They develop trust by showing vulnerability and authenticity when strengthening their mentoring relationships over time. And lastly, they cultivate influence by having a genuine and sincere desire to help their mentees grow. 

Here are six ways that great relationally intelligent mentors build strong partnerships with their mentees:

Building the Foundation 

Relationally intelligent mentors know the importance of establishing rapport in the early stages of forming connections with their mentees. They take the initiative to create a time and safe space for the initial conversations. They know the importance of making a good first impression so that their mentees understand that they are fully committed to the relationship. They use eye contact, body language, and nonverbal behaviors to indicate how interested they are in making the partnership work. And they know how to make things fun. They use humor to keep things light so that their mentees will relax, let their guard down, and be comfortable opening up more. 

Regular Consistent Communication

Understanding others takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Relationally intelligent mentors are fully committed to getting to know their mentees on a deep level. They have great EQ and can pick up on the feelings or emotions of both themselves and others. They ask probing questions to get at some of the underlying passions, interests, and motivations of their mentees. They listen more than they speak. This requires strong active listening skills. When mentors dominate the conversation, it can shut their mentees down and limits the long-term influence they can have on the relationship. 

Authenticity and Transparency 

Relationally intelligent mentors are authentic. They have open and transparent conversations, which gives mentees the freedom to be themselves while they learn and grow. Relationally intelligent mentors do this because they embrace the individual differences of others. They value diversity and look to build cultures that are inclusive. This shows up in their mentor-mentee relationships by making others feel that they matter regardless of race/ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, personality, cross-cultural factors, or spiritual and religious beliefs.  

Trust that Promotes Psychological Safety

Developing trust is the most important factor in any mentor-mentee relationship. To practice this skill, mentors must first be comfortable in their own skin. They cannot let ego, pride, or arrogance interfere with the relationship. The partnership is about helping the mentee grow, and to do this, they must trust the mentor’s intentions. This creates the psychological safety needed for a mentee to feel that it is ok to be vulnerable. It also gives mentees permission to share deeper thoughts, concerns, or reflections that they may not be comfortable sharing with a manager or peer. 

Guidance, Insight, & Knowledge

Relationally intelligent mentors know how to strike the right balance between providing guidance and insight, and when to let their mentees search for the answers on their own. They can do this because they’ve invested enough in the relationship that their mentees know they have their best interests at heart. Part of growth and self-development is trying out new things, sometimes failing, and then learning from those mistakes. Great relationally intelligent mentors encourage mentees to take chances and calculated risks. They are there to support their efforts and will serve as partner to brainstorm and problem solve together when it is needed. 

Genuine Interest in the Mentees Development

Relationally intelligent mentors know how to cultivate influence. This is the ability to have a positive and meaningful impact on the lives of others. Most mentors want the best for their mentees; however, great relationally intelligent mentors help people see things in themselves that they didn’t even know was there. Servant leaders make great relationally intelligent mentors. That because they put others first. When mentors do this, and their mentees experience it, dynamic life-changing relationships take place. The types of relationships that can span a mentee’s entire career. 

Adam C. Bandelli, PhD, is the Managing Director of Bandelli & Associates, a boutique consulting firm focusing on leadership advisory services and organizational effectiveness. He is the author of the book, Relational Intelligence: The Five Essential Skills You Need to Build Life-Changing Relationships, which will be available everywhere books are sold in May.   Visit www.bandelliandassociates.com  Connect Adam C. Bandelli