The Dance Of Mentorship

What I’ve learned from my millennial mentors

“If you’re over 45 and don’t have an under 30-year-old mentor—not mentee, but mentor—you’re going to miss fundamental shifts in thinking that are happening. I think the smart organizations are the ones harvesting young people’s skills and technologies.”

This quote perfectly encompasses the core principles of what I believe about mentorship: we must look to the youth.

Unlike older generations who worked hard, paid their dues and gave up time with their families for their companies, the GenX and Millennial generations have a fundamentally different perspective on work. As they were entering the marketplace, demand for skilled talent and critical thinking were in high demand, to the point of outpacing supply. The result was companies having to compete against each other for the best talent. Rather than needing to vie for a seat at the table, younger generations held the power to demand work environments that didn’t require them to sacrifice themselves for the good of the company. The result was a workforce that sought meaningful and worthwhile work on behalf of a company, and expected support and development in return.

Given this shift in perspective, the traditional model of mentorship – with its rigid modes and expectations of who should mentor and influence whom – doesn’t translate. As a member of the Baby Boomer generation, the advice that I received to ‘stay in my lane’ and ‘wait my turn’ won’t fly with the newer generation. Instead, I now view mentorship as a two-way dance: a fluid and creative process between both individuals. To me, mentorship is learning from someone else’s acquired set of experiences and knowledge – regardless of age or experience – at any particular point in our lives. It can be an advice session for 20 minutes, or an ongoing conversation over 20 years.

When the opportunity arose for me to mentor others – particularly when I started my company Leaderology – I was very intentional in making sure we did things differently, and I called on my Millennial mentors to guide me through the process. What I learned has forever shaped the rest of my career. Here are a few of my key takeaways:

In the older generations, mentors deemed us 'really smart' when we asked good questions. Today, younger generations not only ask good questions, but habitually find the best answers… that lead to even better questions. Think back to the last time you sat with people younger than yourself: how many times did they instinctively pull out their phones when faced with a question that stumped them? And when they did so, did you feel the urge to dismiss them for their “dependance on technology” or realize that they were tapping into a literal world full of information to search for the answer? Younger generations have grown up with access to an infinite amount of information at their fingertips, and they know how to use it. This constant process of self-education leads to confidence that is backed by research, and results in the asking of even better questions.

When something stressful arises and I feel myself become tense, it's usually because I am trying to push down my inner sense of authenticity, something my previous professional experience has taught me to do. But spending time with members of younger generations has encouraged me to embrace my authentic self and given me permission to more fearlessly state my truth. Younger generations expect to bring their full selves to work, and aren’t afraid to hold anything back.

Harassment and discrimination: the younger generation showed me how to not only name it, but call it out. Throughout my career, I have experienced harassment and discrimination, and although I never excused it, I tolerated it. These upcoming generations have taught me to say, “Absolutely not: this stops right now." They have taught me that harassment and discrimination do not deserve the respect of silence, and require absolute accountability.

Younger generations recognize that their experiences do not reflect universal truth, which makes them less prone to confirmation bias and keeps them open to possibilities and new ways of doing things. This has taught me that even though some of my practices may have led to success in the past, they are not necessarily the only or even best way to continue moving forward. Having expertise based on confirmation bias can lead us to want to take over the conversation and “tell them what they need to know.” In doing so, we miss the opportunity to hear any new perspectives that can help us grow into even better leaders.

Having a curious mindset based on abundance, openness and a willingness to learn comes from the younger generation. It informs how I interact with a diverse range of peers by reminding me that I have something to learn from everyone that I meet, and that there is always plenty to go around.

From firsthand experience running a company with primarily young talent, I can tell you that their ideas work. I wholeheartedly believe that if older generations embraced the mentorship of younger generations, our lives and businesses would be more efficient, innovative and strategic.

So how do we start? It’s simple: find someone 10, 20 or 30 years younger than yourself and ask them their opinion or idea about something. Then, with an open and curious mind, listen to what they have to say. Their answer just might surprise you.