Is FOMO Stealing Your Sense Of Significance?
Focus on your life and not someone else's
Posted on 07-08-2019, Read Time: - Min
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Learning & Retention Tip: Seek Out 1-3 specific pieces of information that have value and significance to you. Write it down and review it 2 times in 24 hours.
Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
- During a one hour period of time approximately how many times do I check my phone...engage in social media posts (passively or actively)? Or play games or simply scroll?
- How many times do I experience a fear of missing out, or a feeling of unimportance, a lack of significance because I am not included?
Research reveals that in 2018 we spent 142 minutes a day on social media alone, American adults spent over 11 hours per day interacting with media.
Whaaaat?
I remember the day my parents got me an extension cord when I turned 16 so that I could stretch the shared family phone that was plugged into a wall into my bedroom. I remember laying on the edge of my bed and stretching out my neck so that I could talk on the phone in my room AND lay in my bed at the same time.
The phone was always plugged into the wall and if I wanted to use it, I had to make the effort to go use it. Often times the excitement in the present moment would detour my desire to seek out a quiet place to chat on the phone. I used the phone to set up face to face interaction with my friends or call the local pet store to check on the latest available guinea pigs. The phone had a specific function, it was a tool that I used to create a connection by scheduling a time to meet up with my friends (in person).
I remember when I would call my friends before everyone had a message machine…can you believe it? I had to keep calling back to try to reach them. In the meantime, I would get back to living the life in front of my face. I didn’t know what the heck my friends were doing when we weren’t together, to be honest, I really didn’t care much about it, which gave me the opportunity to focus on what I was doing at the moment. Fast forward 30 years and I find myself easily scooped up in what other people are doing which ignites a sense of comparison around what they are doing in the world and what I’m not doing. Why this constant scrolling through the other peoples lives? Because we can. It takes some serious impulse control to stop it.
Today my phone is no longer confined to a wall with an outlet, it goes with me wherever I go.
What are the ramifications of this constant connection to the world?
Some may say there is high value in "staying in the know or connected to what's happening now"...OR what if this constant connection to the world is an addiction that is robbing us of the joy found in the present moment, mindful living as it's commonly referred to, being present to people, opportunities, experiences in real time...things money can't buy yet are stored in our hearts forever?
I had this sinking feeling the other day when I read a really cool article a mentor of mine sent me this week, Smartphones are Toys First, Tools Second, that my phone had become the boss of me; robbing me of precious moments of life and opportunities to be here NOW knowing the unique value God has given me at the moment to make a positive impact in the world.
FOMO: The fear of missing out. It will be the boss of you if you do not anchor healthy boundaries around how YOU choose to spend your gift of life today.
FOMO is fueled by the serpent of isolation and not-enoughness that triggers insecure feelings and constant anxiety. Our basic need for safety, connection, meaning, and significance has spilled out of ourselves rendering us imprisoned by the dopamine loop of checking, scrolling and clicking with the thought: I might get good news and find a sense of connection and meaning.
Is the real issue here lack of contentment leading to doubt around your unique worth and value?
When you are not tuned into what the world is doing and you find yourself face to face with you at the moment, discontentment will often seep into your mind which usually increases the urge to know and live through what other people are doing in life.
What does spilling out of yourself look?
I asked my daughter, who is a junior in college, for an example of "spilling out of yourself" due to FOMO and she nailed it: "It's like when all of your friends are going to a party and you feel so sick that you can't join them. As you lie in bed scrolling, you start seeing all the snapchats of your friends having fun without you. You start sending snapchats back to your friends expressing how sad you are that you are missing out and not there with them. It makes you feel like they can have a good time "without you" causing you to question your importance...do I really matter?"
Sound familiar?
What do you want to commit to this week to make more room in your life for the present moment, to anchor your unique worth and value and to step away from depending on events happening in other people's lives to give you a sense of belonging?
Focus on YOUR LIFE, not your friend’s life or friends of your friends or friends of your friends, friend’s life. This constant scrolling on your phone when you have free time is a time thief, a trinket, a shiny object fueled by the fear of missing out. When you land on an activity that you wish you were a part of your sense of significance becomes highjacked. Envy is a slippery little serpent that whispers in your ear: “They have something that I feel I need in order to feel a sense of significance.”
Your freedom from the smoke and mirrors of FOMO first requires high noticing on your part around the percentage time and energy this activity is sucking out of your life. Then commit to starving the craving to scroll. Oh it will hurt deep down inside you will feel the addiction rear it’s ugly head controlling your desire to scroll and compare…resist the urge at the onset and replace it with a healthy behavior that supports mindful living. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) we refer to this technique as Erase and Replace. In Sherpa Executive Coaching we call it Weakness Mountain: Acknowledge the undesirable behavior, Observe when it happens and Change it (offer a replacement behavior) then Evaluate and see if it’s working.
They didn’t talk much about “mindful living” when I was a teenager, maybe because we didn’t have the choice to be out of the present moment because it’s all we had.
Whaaaat?
I remember the day my parents got me an extension cord when I turned 16 so that I could stretch the shared family phone that was plugged into a wall into my bedroom. I remember laying on the edge of my bed and stretching out my neck so that I could talk on the phone in my room AND lay in my bed at the same time.
The phone was always plugged into the wall and if I wanted to use it, I had to make the effort to go use it. Often times the excitement in the present moment would detour my desire to seek out a quiet place to chat on the phone. I used the phone to set up face to face interaction with my friends or call the local pet store to check on the latest available guinea pigs. The phone had a specific function, it was a tool that I used to create a connection by scheduling a time to meet up with my friends (in person).
I remember when I would call my friends before everyone had a message machine…can you believe it? I had to keep calling back to try to reach them. In the meantime, I would get back to living the life in front of my face. I didn’t know what the heck my friends were doing when we weren’t together, to be honest, I really didn’t care much about it, which gave me the opportunity to focus on what I was doing at the moment. Fast forward 30 years and I find myself easily scooped up in what other people are doing which ignites a sense of comparison around what they are doing in the world and what I’m not doing. Why this constant scrolling through the other peoples lives? Because we can. It takes some serious impulse control to stop it.
Today my phone is no longer confined to a wall with an outlet, it goes with me wherever I go.
What are the ramifications of this constant connection to the world?
Some may say there is high value in "staying in the know or connected to what's happening now"...OR what if this constant connection to the world is an addiction that is robbing us of the joy found in the present moment, mindful living as it's commonly referred to, being present to people, opportunities, experiences in real time...things money can't buy yet are stored in our hearts forever?
I had this sinking feeling the other day when I read a really cool article a mentor of mine sent me this week, Smartphones are Toys First, Tools Second, that my phone had become the boss of me; robbing me of precious moments of life and opportunities to be here NOW knowing the unique value God has given me at the moment to make a positive impact in the world.
FOMO: The fear of missing out. It will be the boss of you if you do not anchor healthy boundaries around how YOU choose to spend your gift of life today.
FOMO is fueled by the serpent of isolation and not-enoughness that triggers insecure feelings and constant anxiety. Our basic need for safety, connection, meaning, and significance has spilled out of ourselves rendering us imprisoned by the dopamine loop of checking, scrolling and clicking with the thought: I might get good news and find a sense of connection and meaning.
Is the real issue here lack of contentment leading to doubt around your unique worth and value?
When you are not tuned into what the world is doing and you find yourself face to face with you at the moment, discontentment will often seep into your mind which usually increases the urge to know and live through what other people are doing in life.
What does spilling out of yourself look?
I asked my daughter, who is a junior in college, for an example of "spilling out of yourself" due to FOMO and she nailed it: "It's like when all of your friends are going to a party and you feel so sick that you can't join them. As you lie in bed scrolling, you start seeing all the snapchats of your friends having fun without you. You start sending snapchats back to your friends expressing how sad you are that you are missing out and not there with them. It makes you feel like they can have a good time "without you" causing you to question your importance...do I really matter?"
Sound familiar?
What do you want to commit to this week to make more room in your life for the present moment, to anchor your unique worth and value and to step away from depending on events happening in other people's lives to give you a sense of belonging?
Focus on YOUR LIFE, not your friend’s life or friends of your friends or friends of your friends, friend’s life. This constant scrolling on your phone when you have free time is a time thief, a trinket, a shiny object fueled by the fear of missing out. When you land on an activity that you wish you were a part of your sense of significance becomes highjacked. Envy is a slippery little serpent that whispers in your ear: “They have something that I feel I need in order to feel a sense of significance.”
Your freedom from the smoke and mirrors of FOMO first requires high noticing on your part around the percentage time and energy this activity is sucking out of your life. Then commit to starving the craving to scroll. Oh it will hurt deep down inside you will feel the addiction rear it’s ugly head controlling your desire to scroll and compare…resist the urge at the onset and replace it with a healthy behavior that supports mindful living. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) we refer to this technique as Erase and Replace. In Sherpa Executive Coaching we call it Weakness Mountain: Acknowledge the undesirable behavior, Observe when it happens and Change it (offer a replacement behavior) then Evaluate and see if it’s working.
They didn’t talk much about “mindful living” when I was a teenager, maybe because we didn’t have the choice to be out of the present moment because it’s all we had.
Action Step:
Write down your IC2: I Commit To (a coaching tool from Sherpa Executive Coaching). Commit to specific behaviors that help you unplug and step off the stage of the drama in the virtual world.
For example, I commit to deleting an app that is feeding into my FOMO today. I choose to engage in alternative activities (reading, working in the garden, play with my dog) that are void of all electronics.
For example, I commit to deleting an app that is feeding into my FOMO today. I choose to engage in alternative activities (reading, working in the garden, play with my dog) that are void of all electronics.
Take a survey
Is FOMO (Fear of missing out) stealing your sense of significance? https://web.hr.com/gwpk5
Is FOMO (Fear of missing out) stealing your sense of significance? https://web.hr.com/gwpk5
Author Bio
| Lauren E Miller has a Masters in Adult Education with a Certification in Human Resources Development. She has personally conquered two of life's top stressors at the same time, advanced cancer and divorce. Now Google's #1 Stress Relief Expert, Award Winning Author, HRD Trainer and Certified Executive and Life Coach, Lauren provides process-driven programs with structure, guidance, support and accountability designed to create positive change in behavior resulting in a positive impact on business (IOB) and life purpose. Visit http://LaurenEMiller.com Connect Lauren E.Miller Follow @LaurenEMiller7 |
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