Fear: A Sure Way to Lose Really Good People

3 tips to help your teams work confidently

How many times as an HR leader have you counseled a manager on how to deal with difficult people, conversations, meetings, personal issues. About a 100…a day, right? In my time as an HR Manager at an active gold mine, I had opportunities every day to hear the tribulations of conflict in the workplace. From “he took food from my lunchbox” to “she was late again” to “they refuse to pay attention in the conference room when I speak”, I’ve heard it all. The never-ending nonsense adults subscribe to in pursuit of fairness started to become commonplace for me but what always astonished me was the real reason for letting an issue linger too long. Fear. Fear of anger from the other party, fear of reprisal, fear of losing perceived authority. You name it, people are scared of everything about conflict!
 

The reality is that conflict makes us all feel uneasy. And while the unnerving lump in your throat, swirling stomach and sweaty palms are no one’s idea of a great time, we can all agree that once an issue is dealt with, we feel much better. So, why do we wait? What’s more, why do we wait so long that our good people leave? We do this because many times we don’t have the tools and support to manage conflict effectively. We then let what could be an organized, 10-minute spoken conversation turn into several eye rolls, whispers and shrugs – the real enemy of retention and productivity, the unspoken conversation.

Fear allows us several excuses that lead to mean-spirited comments, back-biting and disengagement. It’s our job as HR leaders to help teams – leaders and employees alike – to sort through issues in a timely manner to avoid bad blood and high turnover. Here are three tips to help your teams decide to work confidently.

We tend to get caught up in the muck of emotions that come with conflict. One way to stay out of this trap is to (have) and keep to the goals. The shocking thing is how bad we are as leaders at setting goals, sharing them with our team and then remembering to follow through on them. That could be another article to itself but for now, let’s focus on how goals support a healthy communication environment. If we say things like, “Jim and Joan, I understand the two of you don’t agree on some topics, however, we can all agree that we must finish this project on time.” it reframes the topic from Jim doesn’t like Joan to we have to agree how we’re going to finish the project. Using the goals as a support item is a sure way leaders can allay emotions and refocus energy.

To put logic and emotions in their respective places, our team uses a tool that was first developed by Gervase Bushe, it’s called the Experience Cube. What’s so great about the experience cube? It gives room for emotions – thoughts and feelings – and logic – observations and wants. Too often in business, we’ve been told to leave the emotions at the door but really business is one of the most personal things we’ll ever do. It’s our career, our passion, our success. And then to hear – be emotionless – yeah right! Because we want to be sure, though, that we are making good decisions for the business we must compartmentalize these two areas, emotions and logic. The Experience Cube helps us do just that. Once we think about those goals from above – what do we want? – then we can use the rest of the Experience Cube to manage a conflict to success.

It’s easy to convince yourself you have 17 other, more important things to do before you talk to someone about on a conflicted topic. Don’t do it! Chat now, chat often. A great way to bring up a conflict is to ask for clarification on the other person’s perspective. That is, after all, usually the reason there’s a conflict in the first place. When we misunderstand each other and let it ride our assumptions take the place of logic and we spin right out of the Experience Cube logic exercise. Of course, you may not want to call someone out in a meeting if the conversation is really better had one-on-one but be confident enough to tackle those conflicts right away. It will certainly make your life easier in the long run!

The work of an HR leader is so widespread. From comp and benefits to policy management to training and development. With all of these areas to cover we need a little cover ourselves on how to help others. By focusing your leaders and teams on goals, logic and timely conversations you can cut down the work on conflict and focus on those good people!

 

Meg Manke, MSSL, Senior Partner at Rose Group Int’l, is a culture and leadership expert with years of experience leading companies large and small through transition. Drawing from her background in organizational psychology and mastery of leadership concepts, her ability to recognize opportunity in weakness and present a strategic solution is unprecedented in today's business world. Partnering with Dr. Rachel MK Headley at Rose Group Int'l, they developed their proprietary iX leadership framework which allows business leaders to solve problems within their teams, address generational issues, manage big changes, and accomplish their most ambitious goals. Visit https://rosegroupintl.com/ Connect Meg Manke Follow @meg_manke   Book: iX Leadership: Create High-Five Cultures and Guide Transformation