Why We Desperately Need The Five Skills of Tolerance

What does it mean to be “tolerant”?

One of the biggest problems with traditional Diversity, Inclusion and Tolerance Programs, or DI&T, is that they typically focus their attention on cultural issues. That means, we bring people in and train them in some specific culture, such as Hispanic, African American or some other type of culture.

While this is a nice thing to do, it is huge mistake when you are launching your DI&T program. Why? Because there is no possible way anyone could address all the different types of cultures your employees will encounter. Think of it this way:
 

If an organization trained its employees in sexism, Japanese culture and ageism, for example, which would represent quite a bit of training, then what are they supposed to do when they encounter someone who is Muslim? Do they simply say:  

“Oh, wait! I haven’t had that class yet!”

Also, within each culture, there are dozens of different viewpoints that exist. Are you really going to train your people in EVERYONE’S DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW?  It is impossible.

Another problem with this cultural approach to DI&T is that these programs focus primarily on issues relating to a specific group of minorities, especially on race and religion. As a result, many people in the organization think, “OK, so this program is really not about me” or “OK, this is just another program for the minorities” and so on. 

The truth is that we have lost sight of the fact that diversity is anything that makes you different, which includes differences of opinions on politics, vaccinations and so on. This is the Diversity of Ideas that affects every part of our lives, which is destroying all of us due to our great intolerance of anyone who is different from us.

Black people don’t hate White people because of their skin color and vice versa. Older people don’t hate younger people because of their age, straight people don’t hate gays because of their sexual orientation, and so on and so on. People hate each other because they think differently from each other. Someone dared to disagree with them on some highly emotional issue, which stepped on their ego and caused their emotions to burst out of control. These are all issues of having diversity without any tolerance. So, it is not safe to be different. 

So, what does it mean to be “tolerant”? Simply put, tolerance means that I am not going to persecute you, or bully you, because you are different, which includes disagreeing with you. Tolerance therefore governs your behavior, not your beliefs.

The goal of having a tolerant environment is to ensure that it is safe for everyone in the organization to be different. That is how we need to define trust:  Is it safe?

The difference between “acceptance” and “tolerance” is immense. An organization cannot, and should not, require its people to change their beliefs. No one has the right to require a Christian to be accepting of a Satanist.  In fact, ordering someone to be accepting of others only fosters resistance.  However, an organization has every right, and a legal obligation, to tell employees how to behave, both on and off the job.

This is also why the word “tolerance” is used by the Southern Poverty Law Center, by many of our Circuit Courts of Appeals and by United States Supreme Court.

Of course, if an organization’s Five Skills of Tolerance program can get someone to re-evaluate their beliefs and become more accepting of others, then more power to them. Education has the power to do just that. Education can change people’s attitudes and build acceptance.  

In 2016, the EEOC published its ground-breaking report, The Select Task Force on the Study of Harassment in the Workplace. The EEOC concluded that the way we conduct harassment training in this country is all wrong. In fact, the EEOC says we are really doing more harm than good by the way we teach these topics, largely because we use lawyers to teach these topics who usually have no background in skills building.  Instead, the EEOC said that we need to focus more on building skills so we can create an environment of workplace civility, which means focusing on such topics as trust, tolerance and conflict resolution.

The research shows that the EEOC is correct.  In fact, Daniel Goleman reported in his best-selling book, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, that building such skills as proper conflict management and emotional intelligence (self-control) in our schools have reduced the number of fights by 69 percent, bullying by 75 percent, and harassment by 67 percent.  

The logic here is simple: If you learn the necessary skills, then you will be able to handle most any situation that comes your way. It is a lot like learning self-defense. You don’t learn self-defense against little people, big people, Asians, White guys and so on. You learn self-defense. So, regardless of whomever you encounter, you will be able to handle the situation.

It is like the old “teach-a-man to fish” strategy.  If I give a man a fish (teach him about a specific culture), then I have fed him for the day. But if I can teach you the Five Skills of Tolerance, you can effectively deal with anyone you encounter who is human.

So, across the last couple decades of teaching DI&T, I have pared down the skills to only the most critical ones that every organization needs to create the “culture of civility” the EEOC is so desperately trying to institute in this country. These five skills of tolerance are:
These five skills of tolerance need to be taught to all your employees and then adopted as part of your organization’s culture. They should become your guiding principles. Everyone must learn these skills, they must be coached and then enforced.  These five skills of tolerance should never be seen as a “stand-alone program,” which means you teach them and then move onto something else.  Instead, these are skills that apply to everything you do whenever another human being is involved, such as your leadership skills, employee relations, customer service, safety, and so on.  They should all boil down to one simple goal:  Is it safe?

Scott Warrick JD, MLHR, CEQC, SCP is an employment and labor attorney, HR professional, national speaker and best-selling author. Scott’s book, Solve Employee Problems Before They Start: Resolving Conflict in the Real World, is #1 Best Seller for Business and Conflict Resolution.  It was also named by EGLOBALIS as one of the best global Customer and Employee books for 2020-2021. Scott’s most recent book, Tolerance and Diversity for White Guys … and Other Human Beings: Living The FIVE Skills of Tolerance, is also a #1 Best Seller in 13 categories, including Business Management, Education, Education and Teaching, Educational, Human Resource Management, Leadership, Minority Studies, Organizational Change, Race Relations, Religious Intolerance, Religious Studies, Teacher Resources, Training and Workplace Culture. Scott travels the country presenting seminars on such topics as Employment Law, Resolving Conflict, Diversity, and General Differences.  Visit www.scottwarrick.com Connect Scott Warrick