Men Needed!

An open conversation about women in leadership

It was 7:45 a.m. on a Tuesday. My team and I were waiting on participants for a breakfast meetup we had organized at a global conference. The topic was Women in Leadership.

 

The meetup was meant to be an open, candid conversation about the state of women in leadership. But the event description included something you don’t often see for these types of meetups: “Men, we hope you’ll join us.”
 
That morning, our space filled quickly. We brought in more tables and chairs, and yet people still kept coming. The room was packed. We had attendees from all over the world, each with different backgrounds and experiences. The diversity in the room was beautiful.
 
Beautiful, too, was the fact that three men attended.
 
Three might not seem like much, but it was something. In this conversation about diversity—the grand effort we’re making as a country and world to advance women and people of color—we need to include men.

There’s no denying that, right now, men hold the power. The statistics are revealing: Men make up 95% of board seats in S&P 500 companies and 93% of top executives in Fortune 100 companies. Across wide range of industries, they make up 80 to 95% of top leadership positions. When we begin to mine those numbers, we see a further lack of diversity. Companies like Facebook and Apple, for example, have been called out for having white people in more than 70% of top leadership (most of which are men) in both companies.
 
Yet if we want to make progress as a society, don’t we need the people in power to join with those who are less powerful? Don’t we need allies? We are stronger together, with men and women working side-by-side for change.
 
One of the reasons I believe we haven’t progressed farther is that we haven’t had enough men at the table, helping out. Most of our efforts to date within social movements and companies have not readily invited or welcomed white men, or men of color, for that matter. While there are some exceptions, we don’t usually ask them to join in, add their input, or share their perspectives. In fact, one survey revealed that “over one third (35 percent) of respondents think the increased focus on diversity in the workplace has overlooked white men.”

Back to that breakfast meetup, though, because I want to share what unfolded. We handed out cards that listed a topic, plus a few statistics to drive the discussion toward women and diversity. The groups discussed topics that are rarely candidly talked about in the workplace: professional advancement, wage gap, diversity and LGBTQ, sexual harassment, and maternity and paternity leave. Then each group was asked to come up with one solution related to its topic.
           
When it came time to reconvene as a larger group and share ideas, I saw barriers break down. The men who came were excited to join in the discussion, and some of the women who had tentatively entered the room took the mic and shared their thoughts. We had a thoughtful, open-hearted discussion that led to smart strategies and greater awareness. Afterward, one of the men shared with us how impactful it was to be a part of the conversation.
 
Based on the outcome of this meeting, I believe that the key to change starts with conversations that include all people—especially those who currently hold the power. That was one morning, but I could recount other examples—both in my own work and stories I’ve heard from colleagues—that illustrate the power of listening, sharing, and supporting one another.
 
When we invite men to be part of the solution, we’ll see greater gains in our efforts at a more egalitarian society and workplace.
 
In fact, emerging research is beginning to uncover the power of conversations. One study found that “women and minorities who confronted the perpetrator of prejudice exhibited more positive subsequent expectations of that coworker when they held a growth mindset.” The key: growth mindset. It’s not an adversarial discussion; it’s a conversation about change.

Those of us who work in this field are navigating the best ways to create safe, open environments that welcome every person, regardless of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic background, or any other aspect that makes us human. We are testing ideas, trying out initiatives, and paying close attention to what works.
 
When we work together, incredible things can happen. We create allies. We grow into a strong whole, rather than feeling divided. As we lift up women and people of color, we need trainings and forums for these groups to connect with one another. But we also need space for all people to connect, learn, and work together for change.
 
At your company, creating such a space might involve an open forum on women and diversity in leadership. It might be a hosted breakfast, much like the meetup I described, with table topics and groups presenting solutions. It might look like a leadership retreat with a core focus on diversity and inclusion, with experts who lead the group in a discussion and guide them toward a strategic approach to fostering diversity.
 
Or it might be simpler and less structured. If you’re a man in leadership, you could start with inviting a female colleague to coffee to learn about her background and goals. Or asking a woman on your team about her experience at the company and whether she feels supported. It could involve engaging other men in a productive conversation about how to better support women. The core is intentionality and a focus on growth and change.
           
Women, we are seeing great gains. There is so much hope. Men, we need you to keep the momentum going. We need you to interview us for jobs, welcome us to the table, ask us to business lunches, invite us to meetings, give us promotions, include us in after-work events, send us to trainings, call on us as experts, see us as equals, and join us in the battle for equality.
 
I believe it all starts with a conversation.