Do You Find Yourself Easily Offended Or Irritated?

Exploring your emotional reactions

 

Offended:

To cause dislike, anger, resentful or annoyed

Anger:

Strong feelings of displeasure to perceive to be insulted

Is it just me, or have you also noticed an increase in your face attitude from others?
 

Here are some examples of what I mean:

• Road rage: There are daily examples of this nasty behavior.
• An employee in Vancouver was fired. The next day, he shot his boss dead.
• A Walmart employee was killed at the mall by a stampede of angry, uncontrollable shoppers.
• A mother was so bent on revenge, she Facebooked her daughter’s perceived offender until that girl killed herself. The mother is currently serving time.
• A hockey dad beat a teenage referee so badly, that the boy had to be hospitalized. The team was comprised of eight-year-olds.
• A woman screamed at the top of her lungs in a local grocery store because of the behavior of her two kids under the age of five.
• After an alleged insult, a swarm of teenage girls beat another teen almost beyond recognition. Then they posted a video of the attack on YouTube.
• Our garbage man was verbally abused after he skipped a woman’s garbage cans because snow blocked access to her driveway.

 
They are under the influence of the perceived offense and thus cannot make rational and appropriate decisions. That was proved in relationship research conducted by Dr. Gottman, which showed that feeling offended and angry can cause people to go into a mode of “defend or attack.” Neither is beneficial.

Are you easily offended and quick to anger?

1. What causes people to become offended and display anger?

Feeling offended and flashing anger are internal reactions perceived to have an external cause. Offended or angry people almost always blame their response on another person or event. Rarely do they realize the real reason for their reaction is their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world. When reality does not meet their expectations, they become angry. The gap between what they want and what is really happening leads to the manifestation of anger.

2. Common traits of easily offended and quick-to-anger people

• Emotional Reasoning: People who reason emotionally often misinterpret normal events and things other people say as threatening to their needs and goals. In the long run, emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger.


• Low Frustration-Tolerance: At some point, everyone has experienced a time when their frustration-tolerance was low. Often, stress-related anxiety lowers tolerance levels; people begin to perceive normal occurrences as threats to their well-being, or ego.


• Unreasonable Expectations: When people make demands, they are seeing things the way they think they should be, not the way things really are. This lack of perfection in their world lowers their frustration-tolerance levels. People with unreasonable expectations want others to act in a certain way—and uncontrollable events to unfold in a predictable manner. When things do not go their way, they become offended, angry, and frustrated.


• People-Rating: People-rating is a type of thinking in which people apply a derogatory label to a person. Rating someone as a “jerk,” “idiot” or worse dehumanizes that individual and makes it easier to become angry without concern for that person’s feelings.


• Personal Attacks: Someone attacks your ideas and you take it personally.


• Self-Centeredness & Narcissism: This is when individuals believe the whole world is about them.

3. Research links the behavior of being easily offended and quick to anger with low levels of self-worth.

Having confidence in yourself helps you avoid feeling the need to defend or attack when perceived negative events occur. The school bully is typically low in self-worth.

4. Another contributing factor to a person’s anger level is health.

Even though you may not wish to respond negatively, your ability to manage your behavior can be diminished by a reduced level of wellness.

• With today’s current busy lifestyles, more and more people are living sleep-deprived lives. Lack of sleep lowers serotonin and dopamine levels and contributes to irritability and rage.
• Obesity and insufficient exercise can play a role in reducing the production of serotonin and dopamine, as well as calming endorphins.
• Sugar disrupts our systems and we can’t function or control our emotions. This requires an entire article to itself.

5. Feeling easily offended and quick to anger is a learned behavior.

Stop spending time around easily offended people. Everyone has had to work on this issue of feeling offended.

I used to find myself getting upset when people didn't follow through on their commitments or failed to deliver on their promises. I recall berating an innocent hotel clerk because my reservation was lost. After ranting for a couple of minutes, I learned I was at the wrong hotel. My behavior was inappropriate.

Some time ago, one of our suppliers revised a service contract, which is not permitted under the terms of our agreement. And he did it without notice, even though 60 days’ notice is stated clearly in the contract. My old self initially wanted to respond with anger. Instead, we assertively stood our ground without becoming angry or acting out in anger.

Stop practicing anger with non-emotional events, such as when your computer crashes or your car breaks down. How does getting angry with your computer or car fix it? Also, you are training your internal system to have an anger response, and this translates to when you interact with people.

Remember:

• Allowing yourself to feel offended and angry is your choice.
• No one can offend you or make you angry unless YOU let them!

Author Bio

Ken Keis, Ph.D., is a global authority on behavioral assessment strategies and an expert in personality, leadership, purpose, and wellness. Author of over 4 million words of content, including 4 books and a dozen plus assessments, Dr. Keis is a highly sought-after speaker, trainer, coach, and media guest. As the President and CEO of Consulting Resource Group International, Inc.(CRG), his mission is to help individuals to live, lead, and work on purpose so they can realize their full potential. To find out more about Dr. Keis and CRG go to www.crgleader.com , www.kenkeis.com or email info@crgleader.com