Can You Be Shy And Successful?

Misconceptions around shyness and the habits that change it

With research showing that 40-60% of American adults admit to some form of shyness – including social anxiety, worries of judgment and ridicule from others, low self-confidence, and acute self-consciousness – it is a commonplace phenomenon.
 

 
Shyness can manifest as the avoidance of potential situations for awkwardness – whether that is meeting new people, engaging with individuals and groups, speaking up with ideas, going to interviews, or giving speeches and presentations. For adults seeking jobs as well as those desiring to move up in their career, this can detrimentally affect their advancement if they allow shyness to dominate.
 
However, shyness is not necessarily a problem, and those who may have let it hold them back in the workplace can begin to alter habits and change misconceptions with some simple, yet dynamic steps.

End the Criticism Cycle

The difference between a shy person and someone who is not, is whether they allow fears, doubts and worries to dominate and stop them acting or not. A “confident” person may have doubts, negative thoughts, or self-criticisms, but will act anyway. For a shy person, they are more likely to believe and perpetuate negative self-dialogue in a constant cycle, letting it grow in significance in their own mind. Ending self-criticism doesn’t have to be a long, arduous process. But it does take commitment to interrupting the cycle and making small but important changes to achieving a greater sense of self-value. One such change is to simply be aware when those negative thoughts, doubts, fears and criticisms show up, and make the immediate choice to stop giving them “air-time” in the moment. Additionally, replacing a negative self-perception into a simple question such as, “What if this isn’t actually real or true?” or “Rather than assume I am wrong, what’s actually right about me?” can shift focus and break the cycle of these thought patterns.

Upgrade Self-perception

It doesn’t matter how much encouragement, admiration or acknowledgment we give another person – if they cannot see their own value, they cannot hear it from any other source. Many shy people do not regularly acknowledge their capacities and abilities and may not have ever been taught to have a healthy perception of their value. Implementing a daily ritual of self-acknowledgment and gratitude can build a new, productive self-perception habit and is another way of interrupting the negative mindsets that create low self-esteem. It may seem difficult at first, but regular action over time will begin to create a mindset of gratitude and acknowledgment within the person, that can have positive effects on everyone around them as well.

Embrace Discomfort

Many of us are taught to believe that feeling uncomfortable or awkward is a bad sign. For those who identify as shy, this sense can be worsened by an accompanying belief that experiencing such feelings means they are wrong, weak or less capable than others. These assumptions can be addressed by acknowledging discomfort and associated feelings for what they actually are. For most people, the symptoms of nervousness and excitement are physiologically the same, so they can often misidentify what they are experiencing. Also, discomfort is often simply an indication of something new and different - which, when embraced, can be very positive. A simple way to begin shifting perspective and taking action, even when discomfort shows up is:
 

Shy people can be successful if they are willing to address habits and misconceptions, they may be used to hold themselves back. By using these simple tools to break negative patterns underpinning low self-esteem and lack of confidence, increase self-perception, and embrace unfamiliar or uncomfortable opportunities, shyness can be changed into productive attitudes and processes for achieving what they are truly capable of, with greater ease.