The Path To Apparency

Slow down + listen + be kind + be respectful + be mindful

There are two things in life that I feel are apparent: Being kind and being respectful. Regardless of who you are or what your responsibilities consist of, you should be able to be kind and respectful and remember the influence you have on others. However, the path to apparency, when it comes to communicating criticism within your team, is a little more complicated. The path to apparency looks a little like this: Slow down + listen + be kind + be respectful + be mindful. 
 

Unfortunately, when it comes to delivering constructive criticism, the path to apparency can quickly be forgotten as emotions tend to take over even the most down-to-earth individuals. The path to apparency is fraught with roadblocks, but with a little effort, habit-creation, and mindfulness, we can all better prepare ourselves to help our team grow through constructive criticism. But, before we dive into understanding your own communication for the sake of constructive criticism, we need to take a look at how we listen. 

Listening to your team is much more important than speaking to them. If you don’t listen fully, or don’t understand what your team is trying to convey, how would your response lend anything constructive? By not fully understanding a situation, you can’t contribute to that situation in any kind of constructive way. To be an effective leader, you need to hear your team. You need to understand how and why they do what they do.   

There have been several instances in my career when I have witnessed a “leader” make a statement like, “I don’t want to hear your excuses,” or, “It does not matter what you think.” Any statement by a leader that shuts down their team’s ability to share why or how something occurred, even if the reasoning is frivolous, takes away that leader’s ability to understand not only their team but why and how the issue occurred. More importantly, you cripple your own perspective by denying yourself an understanding of the perspective of your team. 

Only you have the power to remain engaged in listening, if you choose to slow yourself down. Take the time to allow the conversation to happen and exhaust yourself of asking questions until you are certain you have a clear understanding of your team’s mindset. That means, refraining from formulating opinions until you have exhausted your questions and gained a full understanding of the situation. Only once you have a firm understanding can you begin to give your team constructive feedback that will help them grow. However, before you give them any feedback, you must first understand your own method of communication. 

Verbal communication (face-to-face) is delivered differently than electronic/written communication (email and text). There are two huge components of verbal communication that are missing from electronic communication: tone and body language. Even with verbal communication like phone calls or video chat, body language is almost non-existent and tone can be skewed. Therefore, the words we choose to communicate with are imperative, especially in electronic communication where we can’t control tone or body language. 

I want to make one thing perfectly clear before we continue: Conversations that include constructive criticism should always be done with direct, verbal communication. Here’s why: No matter how eloquent you are with words, there is always room for misinterpretations. Text and email communications lack properly conveyed tones, and therefore leave the tone up to the reader of the message. While we may feel that we can properly convey our tone in electronic communication, because we read our writing in our own voice, it’s not always received that way. 

When you send an email or text to someone about an area for improvement or with constructive criticism, the emotion is completely controlled by the receiving person’s state of mind. Without visual and tonal cues, your team can decide for themselves what the tone of the writing is, placing the emotion of the writing in the hands of the receiver. This is why communicating our constructive criticism is done best with direct, verbal communication. It leaves less room for user error and ensures your point gets across the way you intend. 

Giving someone constructive criticism is already difficult enough without the possibility of miscommunication. Additionally, when giving constructive criticism, you must follow the remaining path to apparency: be kind + be respectful + be mindful.

Unfortunately, when we respond via electronic communication, we can often forget about being kind, respectful, and mindful. The heat of the moment can increase emotions and leaders can come across as rude or condescending in their replies. When emotion plays a role in how we lead, even the best word choices can be destroyed by a lost tone. We must be mindful of how we deliver constructive criticism so that we do not negate our advice through delivery.

If you feel that it will help you to write down your constructive criticism in the heat of the moment, write it! Review it later, when you are feeling more mindful, for clarity. Ensure it serves a purpose rather than your outlet for your emotions. Your goal as a leader when delivering constructive criticism to your team should be to help your team grow, learn, and move forward. This requires you to be mindful, even if you’re feeling emotional. If there is urgency at the moment, solicit a peer to review your constructive criticism to ensure it is, in fact, constructive.

Conversely, even if your words are positive and constructive, if your tone and body language do not support a kind, respectful, and mindful approach, then the likelihood of your constructive criticism being received as such goes down. Leaders that don’t have full control over every aspect of their delivery (words, tone, and body language) run the risk of their criticism being seen as destructive. If you remain on the path to apparency, you set your team up to learn and grow from you rather than fear or ignore you.

The final part of delivering constructive criticism to your team in a positive manner is ensuring your team understands that your criticism is stemming from a place of care. You most likely care about that team member and their performance as their performance benefits your team. However, getting your team comfortable with criticism can be difficult. When any of us learn that we have done something wrong or not up to par, most of us have emotions ranging from remorse to fear to regret. These negative emotions can impede our ability to learn and grow. 

Since emotions get in the way of us learning from constructive criticism, we must be mindful of not only how we set up that one conversation, but how we set up our entire company culture. If you have a culture of giving and receiving constructive criticism that is positive for everyone involved, you set that expectation for all team members, new and old. If we can guarantee that the experience of receiving criticism is not negative but rather an opportunity for learning and growth, then your team will be 1) more receptive and 2) more likely to learn moving forward.

Creating this culture all starts with the leaders. It starts with slowing down. Slow down the conversation and your own emotional response. Listen to what happened, ask questions, and be mindful to gain a clear understanding of the issue before proceeding. Then, before you engage in any kind of constructive feedback, ask yourself, “Am I neutral? Am I ready to be kind, respectful, and mindful? Am I ready to help my team member learn and grow by giving them positive, constructive feedback?” Only when you answer yes to all of these questions are you ready to engage your team member in a positive discussion.

The end result should be a clear goal for your team member. Give them something that will help them be better. Then, you can help alleviate any immediate issues and manage the consequences (if you haven’t already).

As a team, you need to gain a complete understanding of the issues that occurred, so you don’t repeat them again in the future. In order to ensure that those things don’t occur in the future, you need to give your team the tools to learn and grow from the current experience. While mistakes do happen, the better your constructive criticism and the more your team applies themselves, the better chance you and your team have of not repeating those issues again.

Mary Smith is an Associate Consultant with IA Business Advisors and is a Kolbe Certified Consultant. Mary and her father, Dr. Brian Smith, developed The I in Team Series to help leaders find, be, and build their positive influence. The newest title in the series is Individual Advantages: Be the “I” in Team.  Connect Mary Smith