Balance Is A Myth

It isn’t about balance. It is about seasons

My kids are on their electronics as I type this and wonder what time is appropriate to open a bottle of wine on a Monday night (It is only 1:57 pm).  We are into our third week of no school during the ‘holiday break’ and with my clinical schedule, school schedule, other ’work’ schedule and mom schedule I am silently laughing at the word balance. 
 

Some time back, my friend Dee shared with me my new favorite saying, “There is not work life or play life, there is just living”. Or something like that. 

Women, especially, are judged for a lack of ‘balance’ when it comes to family and work. I am not sure what number everyone thinks is balance…60/40?  70/30?  50/50?  The other popular saying is “it doesn’t matter the quantity, so long as it is quality”.  OK. Got it. I will stare lovingly into my child’s eyes with no interruptions for 90 seconds, ask if they feel secure and accepted and then after gaining positive affirmations, jump back on my laptop to finish my dissertation.   Sorry- Sarcastic Sally jumped in. Is it time for that wine yet?

It isn’t about balance.  It is about seasons.  

In my 25+ years of working outside of the home and having four children, I can attest that there are seasons where my family life has overcome my work life and vice versa. A season of newborns is about finding sleep, looking for baby wipes (not for the kid…but for your armpits in which case you will be deemed “showered”),  finding tiny sliver moments of solitude and restoration and probably not showing up 100% (or even 80%) in any job, school or other commitment. A season of all kids in school means you might have more time to shower, more time to research and more time to show up outside of the home. There are divorce seasons, single parent seasons, new job seasons, self employed seasons, part time seasons, home school seasons, sickness seasons and many more innumerable seasons.  

Sometimes, my season looks like me not attending my teen’s basketball game because of a late client appointment.  Sometimes my season looks like me turning in something late so I can drop everything and play connect four with my eight year old.  Seasons are gauged, depicted and determined by your own intuition, circumstances and choices. 

Before anyone’s panties gets in a bunch; this is in no way saying that other things should be prioritized above the health, security and love of our children.  Or, just as importantly, for ourselves. If you feel that anything you are doing outside of the home is or has become detrimental to yourself or your family unit then a new season is due. A change of priorities season.

This also isn’t about women working or not working.  That is a personal choice and we should honor the choice of every woman (and man).  Parent or not, we are still sacred individuals with a longing and desire to do good works, and the good works, whether inside, outside or both, of our home, is valid. 

This is about embracing. 

What we resist, persists, as Carl Jung, popular psychiatrist and psychoanalyst of the 1960’s offers. When we complain and assign shame or guilt to ourselves during a short term season of chaos, we further perpetuate it. We feel awful, tend to get physically sick and find ourselves in a state of depression, anxiety and tumultuous stress. 

Instead, we are invited to embrace the season. Embracing the season means shifting our perspective.  One way to do that is by praying and/or meditating- affirming that we will be equipped with exactly what is needed during this time. It is surrounding ourselves with the right tribe mates who will be supportive and optimistic. It is taking the time to find gratitude, even in the midst of hell, for as many things as we can.  It is even about being grateful for the chaos, as that is contrast and without contrast it is much harder to appreciate the calm and smooth seasons.   It is also about offering ourselves grace each time we get angry or assaulted with guilt and shame. It is about offering grace to others, who seem to not appreciate the space and season we are in, though more than likely they are simply acting out from their own place of guilt and shame. It is about love. Love for ourselves, for our family and for humankind. Knowing that this love is what connects and supports us all, through all seasons.  

And, it might be about wine.  

Cheers to your season - may you embrace it fully. PE
   

Author Bio

Shannon Jamail is a therapist and coach and leads heart centered women’s retreats around the globe. Having a degree in business as well as a masters in behavioral science, along with over two decades of working with individuals in career and self growth- she is able to aid individuals to a complete mind & body approach of health, peace & prosperity. Connect Shannon Jamail Follow @Mind_Body_Comp Visit http://mindbodycomplete.com/