Solving Yesterday To Unlock Today's Relationships

The key to meaningful relationships

Relationships are akin to intricate tapestries, with every woven thread narrating tales of shared moments, emotions, and experiences. Yet, occasionally, a snag disrupts the fabric. The question that looms large is: Can these flaws be mended, or even, be transformed into an even more splendid design?

Every relationship, whether at work or in your personal life, is affected by past dynamics. These realities affect your communication in the here and now. We have created a tool to unlock every relationship one conversation at a time so that the snags are mended well and communication becomes an attribute rather than an impediment.

Yesterday's Echoes in Today's Conversations

Every interaction, gesture, and word from our past molds the perceptions people hold of us today. Our past casts long, often daunting, shadows that profoundly influence our current engagements. Some of these shadows, unfortunately, darken our present relationships. Your challenge is to comprehend and adeptly navigate this intricate interplay.

How people have experienced you in the past directly affects how people experience you in the present.

What would happen if we could see how past issues trip up today’s relational dynamics and make the right adjustments that improve the foundation of a key relationship?

Historical Pillars that Shape Today

Three monumental historical elements affect our communication with others:

• Relational Trust - Trust is the foundation of enduring relationships. Like delicate glass, once shattered, its reconstruction is difficult. Scars might remain, but with patience and care, relationships can be restored.
• Misaligned Expectations - Past letdowns stealthily seep into our present, causing rifts between expectation and reality.
• Power Dynamics - Power, when misused, can be destructive. Recognizing one’s influence and wielding it judiciously ensures symbiotic relationships.

Ghosts of the past often sway present interactions. Whether it's memories of betrayals, entrenched patterns, or negative loops, these shadows indicate unresolved complexities. However, we believe with introspection, awareness, and understanding, these specters can be vanquished.

If you don't deal with the past appropriately, the past will continue to plague your relationship incessantly.

The real work with desired relationships requires a clean-up of the past. The best way to deal with this is to shine a light on it and allow any issues to be revealed and then resolved through forgiveness and acknowledgment.

The Magic of the Support Challenge Matrix

Our research birthed the Support Challenge Matrix. This quadrant delicately balances between High/Low Support and High/Low Challenge, reflecting the nature of our interactions. Actions place us either in the 'Protecting' zone or veer towards 'Dominating.' 'Liberation' fosters genuine relationships where individuals flourish.

Liberation is not natural for each of us. It is extremely difficult to calibrate high support with high challenge, consistently. However, when you do, you become the type of leader you have always wanted to be but might not have known how to become.

To experience this, you will need to go places in your self-awareness that are not comfortable, but necessary. You will need to get real with yourself by asking others, “What is it truly like to be on the other side,” and not freak out when they tell you.

If you have provided Support with no challenge, then you most likely have created an enabling relationship that produces entitlement with little challenge.

If on the other hand, you have provided Challenge with no support, then you most likely have created a culture of fear and manipulation.

Abdication occurs when you are neither supportive nor challenging. Your lack of proactive Support or Challenge produces apathy in its place.

All of these happen regularly in the lives of individuals. In a given day we are all of these things. We can Protect, Dominate, Abdicate and Liberate.

The key is being consistent in Liberation with our relationships so that they experience us as being for them, not against them or simply for ourselves.

Addressing historical shadows is pivotal for meaningful relationships. What have you been to the key relationships in your life? And are you willing to make changes – whether to increase support or challenge?

Nurturing a Future without Shadows

Imagine a world where every interaction is devoid of the shadows of the past, where every conversation is fresh, honest, and transparent. It might seem utopian, but with conscious effort, it's achievable.

This is where hope plays her role. Imagine having hope that relationships can improve to the point of true liberation – real empowerment!

The accidental world rewards laziness, not intentionally healthy relations. We have to fight for the highest possible good of others if we are going to experience true health in daily communications.

While we've provided insights, tools, and anecdotes, the real journey begins with you. Every relationship, every interaction, is a step towards a brighter, shadow-free future. Embrace the wisdom, learn from the past, and sculpt a future replete with harmonious symphonies.

It is possible to have the future you have always wanted. However, it will require you to go to the hard places of past shadows and deal with them in a practical and healthy way. Once this has happened, then consistency takes over as you show a life of high support and high challenge for months and years. This consistent life of peace leads people to trust you and join you in believing that the best years of the relationship are ahead of you, not behind.

Author Bio

	Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram are co-authors of the new book, THE COMMUNICATION CODE: Unlock Every Relationship, One Conversation At A Time (Wiley, November 7, 2023). They are relational intelligence experts, international speakers, and co-founders of GiANT Worldwide.