5 Tips To Get Your Holiday Peace On

Does your stress factor increase or decrease during the Holidays?

You are about to enter one of the best opportunities in life to practice balance within your personal and professional life as the Holiday Season begins. Are you ready?
 
For the majority of people, joy and peace are replaced with stress and tension. Along with behavior that shrinks and distorts the best version of you.   
 
Why do you think the Hallmark channel was ranked the highest viewed channel last weekend? Perhaps because we are all secretly craving simplicity, meaningful relationships, and a happy ending. My husband recently brought me a shirt that says: “My Hallmark Christmas movie watching shirt.” I’m hooked.
 

There is a tsunami of drama in our society today. That’s a clue to a solution for less stress: unplug and make room for behavior that pushes your refresh button.
 
We see drama all around us and cast ourselves right smack in the middle of it all. Get off the stage this season and re-engage with your choice points (what you choose to give your time and energy too) that bring more peace into your life. A popular drama that is drawing in thousands of participants and viewers is called: The Offense is Taken.
 
Let's face it, taking offense or being offended spins the body into the stress response. 
 
When cortisol (stress hormone) is ripping through our system we are left mucking around like a fish swimming through jello with only 3 choice points at our disposal: fight, flight or freeze. 
 
The behaviors that crash a good holiday party usually include ugly talk, defensive actions, stonewalling or 1-uping when the offense is taken.
 
Let's for a moment shine the light of our presence on what's really going on behind the scenes of taking offense.
 
According to the online dictionary, an offense is an annoyance or insult brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles. 
 
Keywords to explore in the above definition: perceived insult. 
 
Remember the definition of stress? The power (or permission) we give to outside circumstance (including the words and actions of other people) to define our worth, value and/or capability. Believe it or not, you actually have the ability to be offended or not to be offended.
 
According to some fun research put forth by Poggi and D'Errico, on the effects of feeling offended, published by Fronteirs in Psychology (US National Library of Medicine/National Institutes of Health), the feeling of being offended or taking offense falls under self-conscious emotions like guilt, pride, and shame: 
 

 
To be offended or not to be offended…ah, that is the question. You are the director of your mind. What you choose to engage in can result in peace and calm or stress and anxiety. The choice is yours and makes all the difference in your performance in life as well as meaningful relationships at work and at home.
 
Clarity of focus leads to accuracy of response. When you re-boot your clarity around what you value most in life then your ability to make decisions for less drama and more meaning quickens.
 
In Sherpa Executive Coaching, we implement a process of gathering information that directly influences your behavior. Value clarification is an important part of that process. Why? Because the information that you take in from the world around you is filtered through your values, which directly impacts your choice point that end up driving your behavior.
 
One of the longest human behavior studies conducted by Harvard revealed that close relationships, more than fame and money are the main fuel for lasting happiness. Of course, meaningful relationships are the main fuel for our happiness, and by the way a huge factor in employee job satisfaction as well.  Another reason why the Hallmark channel is ranking number one around this time of year.
 
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer back in 2006 and the doctors' focus was to give me five more years of life. After 16 chemotherapy treatments, 14 surgeries, 6 weeks of daily radiation and an additional year of experimental treatments, I am gratefully still wearing my “earth suit.” My children were 8, 10 and 12 years old at the time and I am confident that the meaningful relationships in my life played a huge role in my recovery and focused intention on healing and restoration.
 
The one question that I continued to contemplate throughout the 5 years of treatment was not, how many books have I sold or presentations I have successfully facilitated or clients I have worked with or how many people offended me…it was: “How well did I show up to love and support the people that have been entrusted to my care?”
 
Remember the song by Tim McGraw: Live Like You Are Dying? If not, it’s worth a listen and reflection. If you show up today and showcase the character you want people to remember you by at the sunset of your life, peace, and joy, along with contentment will guide your way tomorrow.
 
It’s not surprising that one of the keystone character traits of effective leadership in the world is impulse control. 
 
Get off the stage and explore top practices to get your holiday peace on:
 
1. Identify and write down five of your top values. Next, observe how your behavior aligns or not with your top 3 values for 1-2 weeks. Identify and adjust those behaviors and choice points to better align with what you value most and what you want people to remember you by - Deathbed Wisdom.
 
2. Identify the relationships in your life that you would like to up the ante around intentionally creating a meaningful connection during this Holiday Season and do it.
 
3. At the top of the hour, pause and breathe deeply. Much of your anxiety and stress is fueled by casting yourself in the drama around you. Get off the stage, refuse to participate and identify specific ways in which you can be that one high tide that lifts all ships (J.F.K)by showing up with positive behavior.
 
4. Remind your face that peace and joy are possible. Body language, including facial expressions and intonation, can throw a wet blanket on a relationship or refresh it. Smiling and laughter are universal languages that reduce stress and boosts endorphins…even if it’s fake. Act your way into feeling.
 
5. Observe how often you get offended at work and at home. Run it through the 5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why). Realize that taking offense can only enter your interior perspectives with a consent form signed by you. To take offense is a choice point (where you choose to put your time and attention). Explore a lighter version of you and remember that you have filters in place that create a limited view of reality. Open up and ask questions to learn more or practice the pause. Hold silence until you calm your body down enough so your spirit can shine and bless those in your presence.  Offense evokes offense. Love evokes love. Patience evokes patience. The choice is yours and makes all the difference in the outcomes you will experience this Holiday Season.
 
Go for more peace and joy. Boost your happiness factor and intentionally create meaningful and satisfying relationships based on respect, integrity, and love, simply because it feels better than taking offense and living in drama.
 

Lauren E Miller, has a Masters in Adult Education with a Certification in Human Resource Development. She has personally conquered two of life's top stressors at the same time, advanced cancer and divorce. Now Google's #1 Stress Relief Expert, Award Winning Author, Speaker and Certified Executive and Life Coach, Lauren provides process driven programs with structure, guidance, support and accountability designed to create positive change in behavior resulting in positive impact on business (IOB) and life purpose.   Visit http://LaurenEMiller.com Connect Lauren E.Miller Follow @LaurenEMiller7