The #1 Thing That Keeps Leaders Up At Night

Turn workplace conflict into peace and productivity

The most popular confession that leaders make during my conflict resolution process and training, is that despite their talents in many areas of leadership, they don’t know how to manage team conflict. That confession is so honest and vulnerable; I just love it when people are real about their relationship to conflict.  Most people avoid it, so it festers and has a way of creeping into one’s personal time – playing on their mind like a bad movie at best, or a horror film at worst. Many leaders tell me that conflict amongst the team is the number one thing that keeps them up at night because they wish they could resolve people’s problems so that everyone is happy.
 

Leaders, I want to tell you, that you don't need forgiveness for not knowing what to say, what to do, or how to deal with all conflict situations – even if you've already tried and it hasn't gone well. It’s ok. Leadership is a process, and you learn lessons along your journey that will help you become the leader that others admire. You just need direction. Stick with me for these next few minutes and I’ll share a few tips to turn workplace conflict into peace and productivity.

One of the myths about managing conflict is that you, as the leader, are responsible for resolution, but nothing could be further from the truth. You, as the leader, are responsible for managing conflict, not dictating a resolution or doing other’s speaking or listening for them. Managing the conflict means acknowledging it, being open to listening to people’s perspectives so that they feel heard, and then helping them communicate with each other to find a resolution that they can commit to.

Can you relate to this: Often a manager feels obligated to listen to complaints of a team member about a colleague and then go to that colleague to convince change. It rarely works because the manager bounces between the two parties to find a common base, but they can’t solve a set of circumstances on behalf of other people, any better than they can make their employees more fit doing push-ups for them. One can’t listen or speak (in that order) for someone else, so the entire endeavor ends up being a “he said / she said” game which is inefficient, time-consuming, and rarely ends well.

By including all the right people in a conversation to resolve workplace conflict a manager can help employees resolve their own conflict. (Did you read the magic in that statement?) The most important step for a manager to take is to help employees resolve their own conflicts. Let’s not give them a fish, rather, let’s teach them how to fish! Guide them toward resolving their own conflict, and they’ll be more comfortable with the experience for next time. The more practice people get talking to each other, face-to-face, and looking each other in the eye, and communicating their perspective, and feeling heard and understood, the better the result will be. The future will feel more comfortable in those less-than-comfortable, difficult conversations that are bound to surface in the future.

Moving through difficult times (which I call sandstorms) isn’t easy, but it is part of career building. Some of the greatest challenges to workplace harmony lie in the disconnect that we have working remotely, using digital communication, and allowing our ego to control our mouth, rather than our head and heart to control our ears. We need to do more listening to each other, and more face-to-face discussions when issues arise, because that is where trust is built.

The high cost of conflict (and sleepless nights) is avoidable, and resources can be put to better use. I wrote Sandbox Strategies for the New Workplace: Conflict Resolution from the Inside Out for a playful approach to conflict resolution. No matter where one sits on an organizational chart, they are responsible for creating the workplace culture and relationships that they feel good in, and taking personal responsibility is what this book inspires in team members.

Author Bio

Penny Tremblay, author of SANDBOX STRATEGIES FOR THE NEW WORKPLACE: Conflict Resolution From The Inside Out is an international speaker, trainer, and mediator. Founder of the Tremblay Leadership Center and the Sandbox System™, Tremblay teaches people how to “play nice” in the sandbox at work, and when they don’t, she helps them fix disconnected relationships. Visit www.pennytremblay.com