How To Talk Back To Your Boss And Keep Your Job
A few skills you can use to address your boss’ blunders
Posted on 06-05-2019, Read Time: Min
Share:
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
You’ve likely heard this idiom before. It means don’t criticize or hurt someone you rely on. Don’t betray a benefactor. If someone takes care of you—whether they support, employ, or literally feed you-you shouldn’t chance offending them for risk of getting cut off.
This is often how employees across corporate America approach relationships with their managers.
In a recent survey, we asked 1,335 employees the following question: What significant weakness does your boss have that is apparent to everyone in the office except the boss?
The replies came rushing in. According to respondents, these are the top five weaknesses managers don’t know they have:
You’ve likely heard this idiom before. It means don’t criticize or hurt someone you rely on. Don’t betray a benefactor. If someone takes care of you—whether they support, employ, or literally feed you-you shouldn’t chance offending them for risk of getting cut off.
This is often how employees across corporate America approach relationships with their managers.
In a recent survey, we asked 1,335 employees the following question: What significant weakness does your boss have that is apparent to everyone in the office except the boss?
The replies came rushing in. According to respondents, these are the top five weaknesses managers don’t know they have:
- Overwhelmed and inadequate: Manager is unqualified, inexperienced, or overworked.
- Poor listener: Manager tries to multitask when he or she should be listening—during meetings, calls, and one-on-ones.
- Biased and unfair: Manager treats team members differently based on gender or office clique affiliation.
- Distant and disconnected: Manager disregards others’ needs and stresses, disengages by disappearing.
- Disorganized and forgetful: Manager overcommits and underdelivers, shows up late, and makes excuses.
We then asked respondents to disclose why the boss is unaware of the flaws. Their answer? Nobody says anything.
In fact, nearly half of those surveyed said they don’t alert their managers to personal blind spots for fear of offending them or suffering retaliation.
The takeaway is that performance discussions are one-sided. While managers may be quick to correct direct reports for poor performance, violated norms, or bad behavior, the inverse is not true. When employees recognize behavior or performance problems with managers, 47 percent of them are more likely to bite their tongues or backbite with peers than speak up. Anything but “bite the hand that feeds.” The result is unresolved performance problems, diminished morale, and wasted time and money.
Fortunately, feedback doesn’t have to be something you mutter under your breath. Here are just a few skills you can use to address your boss’s blunders without sounding like a bellyaching bleater.
- Avoid the fool’s choice. Many assume in situations like this that one can be either honest or respectful, but not both. So they bottle the concern in only to act it out. They end up showing “respect” for the boss by stewing, gossiping, or getting even. Don’t make this mistake. Let go of either-or thinking. Recognize that you have several options, some of them good.
- Work on yourself first, the boss second. Before you talk back to the boss, get your emotions in check by looking for how you may be adding to the problem. It isn’t that the boss doesn’t have faults; it’s that we tend to exaggerate the role others play when problems affect us. Honestly examine your own behavior to see whether and how you might be contributing.
- Hold the right conversation. People often fail to raise their true concern when providing difficult feedback. They may dance around the issue or sandwich feedback between insincere compliments. Instead, stick to the issue. If your primary concern is that your boss doesn’t respect you, for example, discuss it directly.
- Start with safety. Pointing out your boss’s shortcomings is challenging. But it’s possible to do so without rupturing the relationship if you can help your boss feel safe. People feel psychologically safe when they know you respect them and care about their interests. You might say, “I have a concern I’d like to discuss, and I believe resolving it will help me work more effectively. May I discuss it with you?”
- Put facts first. Don’t start with your harsh judgments or vague conclusions, like “I don’t trust you” or “You’re a control freak.” Instead, start with the facts. Strip out any judgmental or provocative language and be specific. For example, “After you told me you brought me up for a promotion in the HR meeting, two people at that meeting e-mailed me and asked me why I wasn’t recommended by you.”
When your boss consistently behaves badly or performs poorly, it’s time to speak up. Use these skills when you do so and you won’t leave a dental impression on the boss’s hand.
Author Bios
 |
David Maxfield is a New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and leading social scientist for business performance. He leads the research function at VitalSmarts, a corporate training and leadership development company. His work has been translated into 28 languages, is available in 36 countries, and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500. Connect David Maxfield Follow @VitalSmarts |
 |
Ryan Trimble is a lead writer at VitalSmarts. He works alongside the company’s authors and researchers to identify and publicize trends in workplace communication and human behavior. Connect Ryan Trimble |
Error: No such template "/CustomCode/topleader/category"!
