The Accountability Tough Talk
Here’s how to get “in shape” prior to an accountability conversation
Posted on 11-30-2018, Read Time: Min
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In Part 3 of this Series, I shared some ideas about what managers can do to create a culture where accountability will naturally flourish. In this installment, I’ll discuss how to hold conversations about accountability (or the lack of it) with employees when necessary.
Conversations around accountability are among the most dreaded in the workplace. When I ask my workshop attendees who feels uncomfortable holding such conversations, virtually every hand goes up. It’s easy to see why. At some point in our careers, almost all of us have been on the receiving end of a defensive reaction that may have included shouting, tears, profanity, verbal attacks, or all of the above. That experience, seared in our memory, is why we typically anticipate accountability conversations with all the relish of a root canal. The good news, though, is there are techniques we can learn to lessen the possibility of such a hostile reaction and to effectively handle one should it occur.
When I was younger, I used to take pre-workout powder to fuel my gym workouts (these days I just eat an apple and a dab of peanut butter). Pre-workout powder is a good metaphor for the internal work we need to do prior to initiating an accountability conversation. Mental preparation is key; “winging” such a potentially fraught conversation is a decidedly bad idea. Find out how to get “in shape” before an accountability conversation:
- Start with heart. The authors of the best-selling Crucial Conversations use the phrase “Start with heart” to describe the right mindset for holding such conversations. Ask yourself what you really want to accomplish by having this conversation. If your goal is to reach a mutually satisfactory resolution to an ongoing conflict in a civil and respectful way, that’s starting with heart. But if your aim is to prove your superiority or belittle the other party, that’s starting with some other part of your anatomy.
- Consider how you’ve been perceiving the conflict up to this point. Human beings are susceptible to all kinds of biases and assumptions. We weave fantastical narratives to explain others’ motives and intent, draw conclusions based on the flimsiest of evidence, and focus on things that have personal meaning to us while ignoring those that don’t. All of these tendencies can distort the truth, i.e. what’s really going on. Before engaging in an accountability conversation, consider what “lenses” you’ve been viewing the situation through and whether they paint a realistic picture. You may be surprised to discover that the “truth” is not what you initially thought.
- Anticipate pushback and how you’ll respond. Just as a football coach anticipates his opponent’s plays and prepares in advance, those who are adept at accountability conversations anticipate how their counterpart might react and practice accordingly. If you expect the individual to disagree with your assessment, be ready with examples. If you expect a deflection to a side topic, be ready to pull the conversation back on track. As the old adage says, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”
Once you’ve consumed the pre-workout powder and are in the midst of the conversation, there are a few principles you should keep in mind:
- Be like water. The great Bruce Lee once said, “When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water, my friend.” What he means is that remaining agile and adapting to changing circumstances with ease and fluidity is critical in a fight. That’s excellent advice whether you’re doing martial arts or holding an accountability conversation. Be focused and present, stay attuned to what’s coming back at you, and be ready to deal with whatever arises without losing your cool. Agility beats fragility every time.
- Don’t take the bait. People will try all kinds of ways to rattle you during an accountability conversation. They’ll make threats cry, call you names, explode with rage, question your competence, and so on. Don’t fall for it. If the person yells, try something like “I don’t know why you’re shouting at me. I’m not shouting at you.” If the person cries, say “I can see this is upsetting you. Do you need a minute?” Maintain a firm, confident tone throughout and don’t lose your temper. When your counterpart is blowing their stack while you remain calm and poised, you are in control of the conversation. And that’s exactly how you want it to be. If you wouldn’t hand over your car keys to a friend who’s been drinking, why would you turn over control of a conversation to someone who’s having a tantrum?
- Conclude with an Action Plan. Even a well-orchestrated accountability conversation can be compromised if no action steps are articulated. If you are the other person’s manager, I would ask: “What are your thoughts for addressing/fixing/resolving what we just discussed? I have some ideas but I’d like to hear yours first.” Soliciting the other person’s ideas first makes them an active participant in creating their future rather than a passive recipient of your plan. Additionally, they will be more invested in the outcome because their ideas are an integral part of the roadmap going forward. Establish checkpoints to ensure your direct report is meeting your expectations and, of course, provide positive feedback when it’s been earned.
If you are the other person’s peer, make a slight change to the language: “What can we do to address/fix/resolve what we just discussed? I have some ideas but I’d like to hear yours first.” By moving from a “Me vs. You” dynamic to a “Me and You vs. the Issue” dynamic, you’re replacing a potentially destructive orientation with a constructive one. You’ve created, in essence, a partnership whose purpose is to work out a mutual problem. As a wise person once said, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”
Author Bio
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As founder and president of Right Chord Leadership, Dr. Michael Brenner works with leaders and teams at all levels to strengthen the essential skills needed for peak performance. He achieves this by drawing on almost two decades of experience as an international leadership consultant, executive coach, keynote speaker, and educator, and more than 30 years as a professional musician. Michael’s unconventional workshops, executive coaching sessions, and consulting services – grounded in the belief that “When people work in harmony, great things happen!”™ – have helped his clients increase employee engagement, reduce turnover, improve customer service, and create more collaborative work environments. Michael has partnered with leading companies in a variety of industries and has worked for several not-for-profit organizations. Connect Michael Brenner Follow @m_brenner4 |
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