The Key To Becoming A Better Manager: Building Relational Power

Leading through connection

For decades, many of us have held a narrow definition of leadership: Leaders are the people who know the job and all the answers – who we can go to when we need to know what to do next.

Today, amidst more uncertainty and constant change than ever, that definition of leadership no longer works. Most leaders won’t know all of the answers, and may not always know what to do next.
 

Today, it’s more accurate to define leaders as people willing to take responsibility for the success of those around them. Leaders recognize that while they may not have the answers, others might - as long as they feel safe and invited to share their perspectives. These are the people who have cultivated relational power (long called soft skills, and sometimes called Power Skills by industry analyst Josh Bersin). This means they lead not through fear, but through the strength of their relationships. They gain credibility not through knowing all of the answers, but through making the right connections, communicating effectively, and enabling people to determine the next step themselves.

This definition might sound good, but what does it mean for an organization to help leaders cultivate relational power? In short, they need to develop relational skills. These are key to developing stronger relationships, which in turn fuel organizational success.

How to Develop Relational Power through Relational Skills

Possessing relational power is emerging as the differentiator for highly effective leaders, enabling them to accelerate influence and achieve outcomes based on their ability to foster connections and collaborate effectively. I say this from my day-to-day experience; I work for a company dedicated to developing relational skills in leaders through personalized leadership coaching, delivered at scale through a technology platform.

Coaching is a tool that helps leaders more effectively develop relational skills, for instance: leading inclusively, active listening, and communicating effectively across different populations and environments. Coaching is effective because learning relational skills requires behavior change, and coaching is designed for that purpose.

Organizations are starting to see that traditional methods of leadership development, such as classroom sessions or online courses, are just not effective enough at creating sustainable behavior change. The research we conducted with Harvard Business Review Analytic Services last year shows that only 35% of leaders believe traditional leadership skills training is effective.

A more personalized approach, such as coaching and mentoring, is more effective for three key reasons: one, it delivers tailored lessons based on the individual’s needs, two, it provides a psychologically secure space for exploration, and three, it holds the individual accountable for their intentions and actions.

How to Begin Cultivating Relational Power

A great technique for building your relational power starts with consistently asking the right questions. Asking better questions is essential for effective leadership–it helps break the habit of needing to be right or prove intelligence. This authenticity is crucial for building psychological safety and effective teams.

Asking the right questions is also key to unlocking another skill of relational power: active listening. The father of psychotherapy, Carl Rogers, described active listening as a skill where the listener avoids interrupting, postpones judgment, shows interest, and helps summarize information.

There are two powerful questions every manager can ask their teammates:

1) What are the significant moments that have shaped who you are today?
Encouraging individuals to share at a deeper level helps create meaningful connections beyond the job description and to-do list.

2) When do you feel like this is the best job for you, and when do you feel like it isn’t?
This allows you to understand what energizes and drains each teammate so you can create more meaningful moments, support them through the challenges, help shape their next steps, or even discuss whether this is the right role for them.

Questions like this help unlock opportunities to connect, invest, and focus on actions that enable people to thrive at work.

Becoming a better leader doesn’t require you to know everything – but it does require curiosity and knowing that you have room to learn and grow. With a focus on relational skills and the support of a great coach, every manager can unlock greatness in their teammates and themselves.

Author Bio

Amy Lavoie is the Chief People Officer at the people development platform Torch.