Counseling Or Consultation?

Meeting the needs of stressed-out managers

One could easily make the argument that of the seven EAP core technologies, consultation represents the bedrock of the EA world. While the reasons for these calls range from employee conflict, critical incident response, formal referrals, difficult employees, etc. the subtext to all of these is the stress managers experience in their roles of problem solvers. 

Anytime these sessions begin with, “let me shut my door,” one knows that what is coming often blurs the lines between a counseling session and consultation. If deftly managed, these hybrid meetings elevate both an EAP’s value and its standing as a go-to source for assistance, support and wisdom. 

Balancing between consultation and counseling presents unique challenges for the EA professional. Chief among these is the realization that the power dynamic in a counseling relationship leans heavily toward the counselor. Control is tilted toward the one who gets to ask all the questions, guide the flow of conversation and hide behind the mask of professional boundaries. To the contrary, the consultant, in the role of advisor, sits in a position of an out-of-the-loop peer joining in a collegial collaboration where the manager directly influences the course the session takes. 

Crucial to a successful encounter is the realization that no matter why the manager is reaching out, at some point his or her leadership skills will either become a background concern or the elephant in the room. This is a critical moment in the process which, if mishandled, can lead to defensiveness and undermine the impact of consultative relationship. Handled with care, it will lead to what in counseling sessions is an “aha moment” of awareness. 

Questions that will increase the chances that a manager is feeling supported and coached as opposed to evaluated and judged include the following: 

• Did you come from within or without? 
Many managers experience pushback from workgroups due to the, “you aren’t one of us,” syndrome. Conversely, being an insider brings with it old relationships, preconceived perceptions of one’s management style and a familiarity that often breeds contempt. 

• Did you come up through the ranks? 
The inevitable whispers of “why you and not me,” or the equally challenging, “you’re still one of us,” can present major headaches for a manager trying to assert newly won authority over a reluctant and/or passive-aggressive work group. 

• Did you inherit someone else’s problems? 
Many managers are brought in as fixers for the mistakes of others. This often leads to a, “no good deed goes unpunished,” feeling as the tough calls made are often met with resistance and reminders of what happened to the last manager that tried to changes things. 

• How many toxic people do you have? 
No matter how skilled, a manager’s best efforts will fall flat unless he or she has identified a plan for dealing with those employees whose primary goals are sabotage and chaos. 

• Do you have the support of your leaders? 
It’s imperative that managers know that the people who have their backs are not trying to push them off the plank. Fostering relationships with those who sit on the higher rungs of the corporate ladder is key to maintaining sanity. In order to solidify the gains made by offering the right mix of active listening, feedback and instruction, one would be wise to avoid recommending the following: 

• Team building exercises 
Take a dysfunctional team to a ropes course and they will still be a dysfunctional team when they return to work. As pointed out in a 2018 article in the Harvard Business Review, efforts to build works relationships in this manner often foster “embarrassment and cynicism” and not group cohesion. 

• The family analogy 
To some degree everyone has grown up in a dysfunctional family so why would we want to recreate this experience at work? Additionally, one’s real family may not appreciate the, “sorry I gave at the office,” excuse for his or her absence at home. 

• Satisfaction surveys 
Surveys of all kinds are notorious for being skewed depending on the mood of the respondents at the time of the survey. If only disgruntled workers complete them they might as well be called dissatisfaction surveys. 

• Time management studies 
Many managers will turn to studies of how their people use their time at work when they have run out of ideas. Asking an employee, who already feels that there are not enough hours in the day to complete their tasks, to do a time analysis will most likely be met with the eye roll response of “where will I find time for that?” 

• Slogans 
Mantras like “think outside the box” or “work smarter not harder” often miss their mark and the message received is that one’s manager is grasping at straws. 

While clients are often warned that counseling may initially bring on more pain, thus the drop-out rate in many therapy sessions, consultations require a certain level of a quick fix. Problems in the workplace have deep, intertwined, roots and most managers are simply looking for viable solutions for enhancing work flow and not profound personal insights. The pearls of wisdom shared need to be grounded in reality and easily understood. Some of these include: 

1. They’re not problem children, they're problem adults. While many adults do in fact show up for work carrying leftover baggage from childhood, a manager who lowers him or herself to dealing with employees like children runs the risk of them taking their toys and going home out of frustration. 

2. It’s not you, unless it is. Most people enter adulthood with unresolved authority issues and will always be at odds with those with power. Personality clashes are an occupational hazard and not a sign of a manager’s incompetence. That being said, when managers refuse to be leaders, they may find themselves overusing the carrots and sticks of influence only to find that nothing they do is good enough. 

3. Supervise others, manage yourself. Unhealthy managers do not normally produce healthy workers. Managers who do not practice self-care set the example that dysfunction is the norm and will be hard-pressed to find a worthy candidate for employee of the year.

4. Be an employee whisperer. The old-school, pound the desk, red-faced, leader who used fear and intimidation to motivate is a relic of the past. Calm and assertive not only wins the day, it gives managers more weight when they have to lean in on an issue.

As the workplace grows ever more diverse, challenging and stress-filled, the role of the EA consultant needs to continue to morph to meet the multiple needs of leaders. Acting as counselor, coach, advisor, cheerleader, guru etc. requires knowing which hat to wear and when. Done skillfully, the EA professional becomes a valuable and necessary ally in assisting managers to gain both the micro and macro view of their work landscapes. As much an art form as a science, consultation helps bring EAP out of the shadows and into the light as a self-promoting, proactive and essential service that no stressed-out manager should be without.