Be A Leader Others Want To Follow

4 ways to develop greater self-awareness

Early in my career, my manager offered me the opportunity to lead a small team to deliver a project. I was so excited! I couldn’t wait to hit the ground running and jumped right in. I called my team together, got down to business and proceeded to tell them what needed to be done and by when. Imagine my surprise when the following week their updates consisted of, “I didn’t do it” and “I didn’t have time.” In hindsight, it’s not surprising that after only two weeks they stopped showing up to my meetings altogether. This was my first introduction to self-awareness, or in my case, lack of.
 

I had neglected to get to know my team, understand challenges they could be facing and when they might actually be able to complete the work. I had done nothing to establish trust or set expectations for how we could work together. I naively believed that because I was put in a leadership position, others would follow me.

What I didn’t know at the time was that to effectively lead teams where everyone is engaged and working toward a common goal, leaders need to build relationships, develop trust and gain respect. When we aren’t doing these things, we can limit our ability to influence, decrease motivation and negatively impact how we’re seen as leaders.  

Dr. Tasha Eurich, an Organizational Psychologist and author, conducted a scientific study on thousands of people spanning several years to better understand “what self-awareness is, why leaders need it and how they can increase it. She discovered that 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10-15% actually are.”  

She calls self-awareness “the meta-skill of the 21st century, meaning that it sets the upper limit for so many of the skills we need to be successful in the world right now.  Things such as communication, influence, emotional intelligence and collaboration.”

So why are we not as self-aware as we think?

Self-awareness is a combination of understanding of who we are; strengths and weaknesses, personality, preferences, habits and motivations and knowing how others perceive us and are affected by our words, actions and emotions.  

Understanding how others see us takes work. It can be uncomfortable to look closely at our blind spots; things we do out of habit and our ingrained automatic responses. When we take time to examine how we show up, and remember that other people’s perception is their reality, we become better able to adjust our behavior to maximize our leadership potential.

Here are four tips that can help you become a more effective leader:

Self-reflection is the process of understanding who you are, what your values are and why you think and act the way you do. While we may recognize that one of our strengths is being punctual, we may not have spent a lot of time understanding why that is. Were our parents always on time?  Were we negatively impacted by showing up late to an important meeting? 

One way we can gain deeper, understanding of ourselves is through personality and behavioral assessments. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®) personality inventory provides insight around our preferences and decision making. DiSC^® behavioral assessment helps us find our communication style to learn how to communicate more effectively with others. StrengthsFinder 2.0 focuses on identifying our strengths and using them to maximize our potential. 

Data is only useful when used.  We must do something with the information we acquire.  

As we learn more about why we think, behave and react the way we do, we become empowered to do something with this information. For example, if you are someone who communicates very directly, self-awareness tells us to consider the recipient’s communication style. If they tend to be more collaborative, a direct approach may come across as aggressive. As someone who is self-aware, we will recognize these differences and adjust our style to ensure better results.

In the corporate world, we receive feedback once, maybe twice a year through performance evaluations. It isn’t enough.  Self-aware leaders know they have flaws and are willing to be vulnerable by giving others permission to provide feedback openly. While it can be scary to expose ourselves to critique, it’s also very powerful and a great way to gather data from an external perspective. We can’t improve what we aren’t aware of and feedback acts like a mirror reflecting back how we show up and are viewed by others.

Two techniques that can help you gain insight:
 

As leaders, we’re always in the forefront. We have visibility at higher levels and are often representing work that our teams have contributed to. When we become more self-aware, we recognize that others contribute to our success and need to feel valued to stay motivated and engaged.

We can’t assume people know they’re doing a good job. We need to tell them.

A simple thank you can go a long way but we should also look for opportunities to allow our team members to take the lead from time-to-time. Allowing others to present their work is a great way to allow them to shine and doesn’t take anything away from us. When our teams feel valued and appreciated we become more respected as a leader who truly cares about our people. 

When we ask ourselves why something happened, we may not be a good judge of the cause. When we ask what happened, it can empower us to take action or make a change.

Most of us have worked with someone we just couldn’t see eye-to-eye with. If we ask why that is, we may find ourselves pointing at the other person. “THEY aren’t listening to me.” “THEY don’t know what they’re doing.” When we ask what is going on, we can shift the focus internally to ask, “What might I be doing to play a role in this?” 

True self-awareness means looking closer at ourselves in situations where we interact with others. It means being open to accepting that we aren’t perfect and may, in fact, contribute to situations where things don't go as planned. 

These four tips offer the opportunity to reflect on who we are, more deeply understand our impact on others and gain information critical to becoming a more effective leader. As we learn more about what makes us tick and how we’re being perceived, we become empowered to make changes to improve ourselves in ways that strengthen relationships and deepen trust.

It takes vulnerability to look closely at our shortcomings and courage to change. When we embrace the challenge, it can be one of the greatest contributors to joining the 10-15% of people who have true self-awareness.

Christine Jastzabski is a certified Project Management Professional (PMP) with experience in Diversity & Inclusion initiatives. She is an organizer and planner at heart who focuses on the people side of project management. Her years of experience in this area have helped develop the leadership skills necessary to create collaborative cross-functional teams. Christine has held leadership roles in Women’s Leadership initiatives in several organizations and is passionate about creating opportunities for women to develop their leadership skills, increase their visibility and showcase their talent. As a believer in the power of mentoring and supporting others in their leadership journey, Christine created Girl Take the Lead to speak from years of personal experience. She shares her learning with others in the hopes of inspiring our next generation of women leaders. Visit www.girltakethelead.com  Connect Christine Jastzabski