I am a thirty-something woman who has just accepted a new position at a software company. This job is quite a leap from my last one and the company has made it clear that they have big plans for me. I love my work, it is interesting and fun, and I am really good at it.

My husband also has a great job and is pursuing a PhD. He and I both work ten- to twelve-hour days. We spend our extra time doing things we love—running, sailing, and getting together with friends. We both have had weight and health issues in the past and have a high commitment to taking care of ourselves through exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep.

Many of our friends have started or are about to start their families. The ones who have new babies have either dropped off the planet, or when we see them they seem stressed and exhausted. Every working mom I talk to says she feels she is always falling short either at work or at home. Neither my husband nor I grew up under ideal circumstances and we figured we could do better. We have always vaguely planned to have kids, but now we aren’t sure it is a good idea. What do you think?

Kids or No?

Dear Kids or No,
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you would send me this question, although I have to say I am staggering a little under the weight of it. Obviously, this will be one of the biggest decisions you and your husband ever make. The amazing thing is—and it is a fairly new development in human history—you have a choice. It used to be that children were something that happened and you just dealt with them. But with choice comes responsibility, and nobody can tell you what to do. What I can do is lay out some things you want might want to consider as you weigh your options.

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