We’ve heard from you and the answer is “yes, sometimes your workplace makes you feel crazy.”
But what is it that makes you feel crazy? Well, in our experience, it begins with “them” — they do, you know, the people who you work with. But, if truth be told, it’s really about our reaction to “them” that makes us reactive and feel crazy so we need to look at that and a few other ways the workplace makes us feel crazy at times and then learn a few strategies for how to make it a little less crazy for each of us.
Our reactivity is the cue that something has gone awry. The question is what triggers your reactivity? Here are a few cues that we’ve heard people tell us create reactivity in them.
The first clue that we are being reactive is when our attention goes to the “other” and gets fixated on what the “other” has done. In these situations it is best to pause and ask yourself, “Why am I having a reaction to [fill in the blank]?” You may discover that your reaction has nothing to do with the “other” but rather is a reaction you are having that is “very familiar” and a pattern that you need to fix in yourself. Regardless, it is important to follow up the first question with this one – “Is there any action I need to take?” There are times when no action is needed but more often than not, there can be a “next step” that moves you from reactivity back into action.
Another clue is when others communicate in non-specific, generic language which often leaves us clueless as to what others want or need. Here is a simple question that can help you focus conversations and get the clarity you need – “How were you hoping I could assist you?” (if a manager) or “What do you need, by when and do you have any specific instructions you want me to follow?” (if an employee)
A third clue is the way someone interacts and communicates with you. There are a whole lot of “parent-child” interactions going on in the workplace. You know when someone says “Why did you do it that way?” (critical parent) and the other responds “You didn’t tell me you wanted it that way.” (blaming / defensive child). When the critical parent speaks, the defensive, blaming or rebellious child cannot help but emerge. The goal is to have “adult-to-adult” conversations with those at work so it takes both parties to monitor what “state” (parent, child or adult) they are coming from. The “adult” response to the critical parent sounds like “I’m not sure I understand your question. Are the results not what you had hoped?” The adult remains objective and curious in his/her response and explores solutions to create win-win outcomes. Often after exploring the specific issue at hand, it is helpful to have a conversation about how to minimize these types of situations in the future and might sound like this – “Jack I’m glad we cleared that up. Can we spend a few minutes talking about how to avoid this confusion in the future?” Sometimes it’s really hard to calm the “child” who wants to react or the “critical parent” who wants to criticize and show who’s in control but at the end of the day, the work place is less crazy when adults work with adults!
This week pay attention to what you react to. What are the things that trigger reactions in you? Where does your attention go? How do you communicate when you are triggered and reactive? Taking a pause and checking in with yourself is the first step; the second is to decide what you’ll do next and that is best determined from the “adult” state.
