Recently a subscriber asked me how to have a courageous conversation about an employee hygiene problem. (One of the most courageous conversations you may have to have with an employee is to find a respectful way to say “you stink.”) After all, it’s a sensitive issue and you don’t want to hurt feelings.

A manager, I’ll say her name is Lisa, had this problem years ago and went to her director for some mentoring on how to handle the hygiene problem of a direct report, to which he replied, “fire him.”

Three Ways To Avoid Having A Difficult Conversation
(1) You can fire Steve. This is an easy way to rescue yourself from having a difficult conversation.
(2) You can move Steve to another department. Your problem now belongs to someone else.
(3) You can pretend that the problem doesn’t exist and you can ignore it while everyone else suffers.

When you avoid a difficult conversation you rip off your company, your employee, and yourself. You rip off your company because of the cost of training another employee. You rip off your employees who have to deal with the problem, and you rip off yourself by choosing comfort over managerial courage.

But…let’s get back to Lisa’s story. Lisa didn’t want to fire “Stinky Steve” because other than the fact that he didn’t take a bath, he was a great employee overall. Lisa decided to take the path of least resistance by having a courageous conversation with Steve. If you find yourself dealing with a similar problem, here are the steps.

1. Tell Steve you need to talk with him privately about a personal matter.

2. Set the time on your calendar and make the time where it’s close to quitting time.

3. Set the stage by telling him that you have something very uncomfortable to talk about but in the end it will benefit him.

4. Start with, “Steve, on a couple of occasions when you have walked by, I smelled some body odor. Since we work so closely with our clients, (or each other) its extremely important that we let each other know if we notice something like this. Were you aware of this, or is there something that we need to know about a medical condition?” (You might also do a little research to have it handy just in case it’s something he can’t help.)

5. Then bite your tongue and listen. Let Steve talk. You may hear a reason, an excuse or a combination.

6. Depending on the conversation, it might benefit you to ask Steve to freshen up at work at noon.

7. Ask Steve how you can support him, and set another time to give feedback in two weeks, and then in one month.

8. This should reinforce his new habit now that it’s been brought to his attention.

9. If during your reinforcements you find the problem still exists, tell Steve this: “I don’t know what the problem is, but it belongs to you and you have to get it fixed. If I have to have this conversation again, unfortunately I’ll have to let you go.”

Back to Lisa’s story: Your attitude and intention as a manager matters. “Enter the conversation from a place of respect and the willingness to support the individual,” says Lisa. Lisa said Steve’s condition improved at first but she had to re-visit a second time. The first time the excuse was “medication” and the second time the excuse was “broken washing machine.” Lisa said it was difficult the first time, but much easier the second time.

There’s no excuse once there is awareness. Let the employee own the problem, and the solution. When Lisa said, “it’s your problem, and you have to fix it, and if I have to have this conversation a third time you will be let go,” everything changed. Try caring and concern first, then set the boundary. When you help employees to course-correct and then take ownership of their choices everyone wins.

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