By Rebecca Harris, MS, LPC, CEAP, EAP Coordinator
We meet them wherever we go, a boundary bully of sorts. Driving to work there is a person insisting on getting one car ahead. This person repeatedly crosses the boundary set by a line in the road simply by swerving in and out. No blinker, no warning, no consideration...
It could be your seatmate on a flight. The armrests in coach are not big enough for one, never mind two. You’re stuck next to someone who insists it’s his/her arm rest by shoving his elbow several inches onto your side. How are you going to let him know that he is infringing on your personal space - or are you?
The last couple of weeks I have focused on both the visual, written, or documented boundaries and the intangible boundary called ‘personal space’. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with boundaries that have established guidelines. For example, in the code of ethics and company policy of most companies, employees are prohibited from having personal relationships with others. For example: patients in treatment, or banker-client, or student–teacher, boss-employee, etc. Because there are rules that are clearly defined, it can be easier to defend our boundary lines. When someone in our lives is making us uncomfortable by crossing boundaries, we need to draw the line.
The first step to establishing healthy boundaries in all your relationships is to acknowledge what you need to change. If you feel that you get ‘walked upon’, or are always the one making the compromise, you may become resentful. Learning to set boundaries involves admitting that you have choices.. Blaming the airline and the guy whose elbow was in my way doesn’t begin to resolve anything. Take action by asking the man to please move his arm is a start. Hopefully he does, but even if begrudgingly, that’s his problem, not yours.
Boundaries will have no meaning if they are not addressed when crossed.
The majority of people in personal relationships that work well know how to negotiate boundaries with each other. Whether at home, at work, at a volunteer event, shopping, a visit to the DMV- or whatever-we have to interact and deal with people every day.
Setting boundaries is a huge step toward taking control of how we treat ourselves and allow others to treat us.
If you would like to learn more about how you can make changes, please call 1-800-526-3485 to speak with one of our counselors.…..
Laurie L. Zlotowski, A.S. | EAP Administrative Assistant
Solutions EAP | 883 Paddock Avenue, Suite 2 | Meriden, CT | 06450
Tel 1.800.526.3485 | Fax 203.379.2048 | Web:
www.solutions-eap.com
mailto:
lzlotowski@solutions-eap.com
