By Gwen Kesten, Ph.D., Solutions EAP Coordinator-Middlesex Hospital

When research was conducted comparing ‘very happy people’ with those who were less happy, one external variable distinguished the two groups from each other. This key difference was the presence (or absence) of rich and satisfying social relationships. Relationships can refer to interactions with coworkers, with friends and /or with a romantic partner. Each type of relationship provides potential for meaningful connection. Connection, however, is not automatic, regardless of how compatible the members of the relationship may be. Deep connections must be cultivated. They grow over time and shared experiences. They include ups and downs, conflicts, and the working through of conflicts, and joy. One common illusion is that healthy relationships have minimal conflict. In fact, too little conflict can be a sign of indifference in a relationship. For intimacy to develop, you must work to truly get to know the other person with all the flaws and imperfections that are part of him or her. As well, you must work to allow / invite the other person to fully know you with all your flaws and imperfections. At times this can feel vulnerable. It is, however, the cornerstone of authentic intimacy. This sentiment is expressed in the poem below by Roy Croft.

“I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me

That you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand

Into my heaped-up heart

And passing over

All the foolish, weak things

That you can’t help

Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out

Into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no on else had looked

Quite far enough to find…”

And so, perhaps the most important path to becoming happier is to cultivate satisfying relationships that acknowledge our own imperfections and those of others. Intimate connections potentiate deeper meaning for life experiences, while enhancing the pleasure those experiences can bring.

Call Solutions EAP at 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all of life's challenges.
It’s free, confidential and open to your family members.
Check us out on-line at http://www.solutions-eap.com

George "Bud" Wassell, MS, LPC, CEAP
Director, Solutions EAP
213 Court Street
800-526-3485
fax: 860-704-6221
www.solutions-eap.com