Theresa Valade

Conflict. It’s got to be right up there between death and taxes as the one thing you can count on in life, at least in the workplace. All kinds of counterproductive behavior happen when conflict in the workplace goes unaddressed: avoidance, denial, bullying, passive-aggressiveness. I could go on and on. And, not surprisingly, continued conflict is costly, resulting in increased employee turnover and disengagement.

So it’s no wonder that I find myself often conducting workshops on conflict management. And as I’ve done them, I’ve learned an important lesson. During these workshops, participants don’t “check” their conflict issues at the door. They carry them in the room and tuck them into their pockets along with their cell phones. And, just like their phones, the immediate conflicts may stay quiet, but for most of the participants they’re simply on vibrate.

As we move through the workshop, it usually becomes clear that I not only have to help the participants learn new conflict resolution tools and skills, but I also have to help some of them resolve their “conflicted” feelings about learning conflict resolutions strategies. The ones who are conflicted are the ones who believe that the source of the conflict is another employee, usually sitting in the room. Have you ever thought, “If only he/she would leave, it would all be fine.”? Now imagine walking into a conflict resolution workshop with that belief. Where’s the incentive to learn?

There isn’t much. So, here’s the lesson I’ve learned. Successful conflict management must begin with this: acceptance. As business owners, managers and employees, we need to accept that where there are people, there will always be conflict. Accepting that can be really difficult. We want an easy explanation, one thing (or person) to point to. But even if that person goes, we can’t expect the conflicts to walk out the door with them. Why? Because conflict is mutually created. It’s never the result of one person alone. Even after they’re gone, someone new will come on board, or some new project will get launched, or a new policy will be introduced — all bringing their own set of conflicts.

Conflict resolution skills are not optional. We may have the perfect job, or have designed the perfect system, but once we introduce the variable of other people, there’s going to be conflict. Accept it; then we can work together to learn how to deal with it.

Conflict. It’s got to be right up there between death and taxes as the one thing you can count on in life, at least in the workplace. All kinds of counterproductive behavior happen when conflict in the workplace goes unaddressed: avoidance, denial, bullying, passive-aggressiveness. I could go on and on. And, not surprisingly, continued conflict is costly, resulting in increased employee turnover and disengagement.

So it’s no wonder that I find myself often conducting workshops on conflict management. And as I’ve done them, I’ve learned an important lesson. During these workshops, participants don’t “check” their conflict issues at the door. They carry them in the room and tuck them into their pockets along with their cell phones. And, just like their phones, the immediate conflicts may stay quiet, but for most of the participants they’re simply on vibrate.

As we move through the workshop, it usually becomes clear that I not only have to help the participants learn new conflict resolution tools and skills, but I also have to help some of them resolve their “conflicted” feelings about learning conflict resolutions strategies. The ones who are conflicted are the ones who believe that the source of the conflict is another employee, usually sitting in the room. Have you ever thought, “If only he/she would leave, it would all be fine.”? Now imagine walking into a conflict resolution workshop with that belief. Where’s the incentive to learn?

There isn’t much. So, here’s the lesson I’ve learned. Successful conflict management must begin with this: acceptance. As business owners, managers and employees, we need to accept that where there are people, there will always be conflict. Accepting that can be really difficult. We want an easy explanation, one thing (or person) to point to. But even if that person goes, we can’t expect the conflicts to walk out the door with them. Why? Because conflict is mutually created. It’s never the result of one person alone. Even after they’re gone, someone new will come on board, or some new project will get launched, or a new policy will be introduced — all bringing their own set of conflicts.

Conflict resolution skills are not optional. We may have the perfect job, or have designed the perfect system, but once we introduce the variable of other people, there’s going to be conflict. Accept it; then we can work together to learn how to deal with it.

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