By Vivien Bergl, LCSW, CEAP

We talked about how to cope with grief during the holidays in last week’s E-tip. This week we will focus on some of the challenges people face when they are divorced and/or single or have blended families/extended families.

If you are divorced or divorcing and have children, you may have approached the holiday season with dread. After all, the holidays are about family and your family is not together. We are bombarded with images of happy families with strong traditions. Is that realistic? No, and so the first thing to do is to anticipate what will occur and make plans to handle what you can control. If you are not going to be with your child(ren), talk to him or her about what the plans are in an age appropriate manner. Make plans to celebrate with your child(ren) at a different time and plan to have some kind of contact with your child(ren) on the holiday itself. Avoid making comparisons to past years. Focus on now in a positive way, while acknowledging any feelings your child(ren) may have. One crucial point is to try and avoid conflict between you and your ex-spouse or partner. Keep your child(ren)s’ best interests in mind, not your need for winning.

That being said, think about what you want to get out of the holiday and make plans as much as you can to fulfill what you want. Follow the tips listed in last week’s etip on coping with grief.

What about if you are single and feel sad about not having a partner this year? That mistletoe can be a reminder that other people are coupled and you are not. Try focusing on the advantages of being single. You don’t have to compromise with a partner and go or do something you don’t want to do! You can do things on a whim! Again anticipating how you may feel and doing some planning can make a big difference. Throw a party with friends, take a vacation if you can, volunteer somewhere that can use the help, or engage in something fun! Remember being without a significant other for the holidays doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and enjoy them!

Perhaps you do have a spouse or significant other and you will be spending time with your blended family or extended family. Perhaps the family dynamics involved in this cause you to feel anxious and stressed. If family situations trigger an unhealthy response of depression and anxiety, avoid them all together if you can or contact relatives on the phone, or shorten the visit to a manageable duration. Remember you have choices!

Remember if you or your family members want to talk to a counselor, Solutions Employee Assistance Program is available. We offer free, confidential short term counseling and referral if needed. Just call our 24 hour number 800-526-3485 or go on our website www.solutions-eap.com

Call Solutions EAP at 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all of life's challenges.
It’s free, confidential and open to your family members.

Check us out on-line at
http://www.solutions-eap.com
George "Bud" Wassell, MS, LPC, CEAP
Director, Solutions EAP
213 Court Street
Middletown, CT 06457
860-704-6222 or 800-526-3485
fax: 860-704-6221
www.solutions-eap.com