By Vivien Bergl, LCSW, CEAP

Coping with Grief:
While many people around you are anticipating the holidays with joyful anticipation and good cheer, you may be filled with dread if you have lost a loved one. This includes not only the death of a loved one, but loss through divorce or separation. Whether the loss is recent or a while ago, the holidays can trigger powerful emotions and memories. Perhaps you are single and lament not being part of a couple. Your emotions can feel completely out of step with those around you, further isolating you. There are ways to make it less painful.

* First acknowledge that this year is different. Don’t try to act as if nothing is wrong. It is and pain is expected. When the feelings come, let them. Talk about your feelings. Let people know if you are having a rough day.
* Spend time with people you feel comfortable with. Turn down invitations that feel more like obligations.
* If there is a tradition that seems too painful to do, don’t force yourself to do it. See if you can replace it with one that is less painful. If you have children, remember to include them in discussing this if they are old enough.
* Don’t hide your feelings from children whether they are younger or adult children. It’s important they understand it’s ok to have the feelings and to share them. Unfortunately we can’t protect them from pain but we can support them.
*  If you find yourself having fun or laughing, don’t feel guilty. You are entitled to have positive feelings.
* If you find it comforting you can have some kind of memorial to your loved one, such as lighting a candle in remembrance or having a toast.
* However, be aware that excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression and cause other problems.
* Take care of yourself, rest, eat well and try to get some exercise. Make time for you!
* If you feel up to it, volunteer to do something for someone in need.

Remember grief is very personal and individual – people experience it differently.
Don’t let people rush you through the grief process or don’t push yourself.

If you or your family members want to talk to a counselor, Solutions Employee Assistance Program is available. We offer free, confidential short term counseling and referral if needed. Just call our 24 hr number 1-800-526-3485 or go on our website: www.solutions-eap.com<http://www.solutions-eap.com/>

Next week we will talk about coping with the holidays when you are divorced, single, or
celebrating with a blended family or extended family.

Call Solutions EAP at 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all of life's challenges.
It’s free, confidential and open to your family members.
Check us out on-line at
http://www.solutions-eap.com

George "Bud" Wassell, MS, LPC, CEAP
Director, Solutions EAP
213 Court Street
Middletown, CT 06457
860-704-6222 or 800-526-3485
fax: 860-704-6221
www.solutions-eap.com<http://www.solutions-eap.com>