The Art of Earning Referrals
By Susan RoAne, The Mingling Maven®

Upon meeting an audience member at a presentation, her first words were, "I'd like the name of your agent." You've got to be kidding! I don't know you from Adam or Eve and you think I should give you the name of my literary agent? Based on what? We have no connection, have had no conversation and there is no relationship that supports or justifies your request.

But this doesn't beat the fellow speaker who called my prior agent, said he was my friend and that he wanted to send her his newest book… without ever letting me know. Well, that agent let me know and was put out… not just with him and his arrogance but also with me… for (allegedly) making the match and not clearing it with her first. You can imagine my reaction.

I assured her that he used my name without my permission. After all, my book was about savvy networking not nitwit networking. I told the agent she should have known that I would have called her to make the "intro". The upshot: she dropped his material in the circular file and her office never returned his calls. That worked for me!
Referrals are earned!

There is a process of asking for them, acknowledging them and keeping people in the loop about the progress. These breeches of common sense informed much of The Secrets of Savvy Networking. It's time to revisit savvy networking and the dues-paying process that gives us the right to request referrals, leads, and names.

I repeat….referrals are earned! Nobody owes us their list of contacts. We "earn" referrals in several ways. 1. knowing someone in a position to provide access to THE PERSON because of their relationship or connection .2. knowing someone who knows someone who knows THE PERSON (the basis for social networking sites) The most powerful is the third way: 3. directly knowing THE PERSON. This can happen via membership in an organization, being part of a community, a family, a neighborhood, a company roster or alumni list. This person can be your neighbor, your cousin, an acquaintance from school or a former colleague. Or the barber, mechanic, butcher or personal trainer. A timely reminder: be nice to everyone because you never know!

Another important piece of the puzzle to remember is that people who refer us are lending their "endorsement" and good name to us and our endeavors. We need to be sure that we are worthy and behave accordingly. By the same token, if someone asks you for a referral and you have no idea about that person's skills, habits, competence or ability to get along, it's not only ok to say no, it makes sense to do so. We can't afford to stake our reputations on those we can't vouch for.

The biblical reminder, "Ask and Yee Shall Receive" has a contact codicil: Know when, how and whom to ask. If you aren't savvy in doing so, you may cut connections rather than build referrals, relationships and your business or your career.
Susan RoAne is the undisputed networking authority who has written the trilogy on connecting and communicating that are cornerstones of business development and relationships: How To Work A Room, The Secrets of Savvy Networking and What Do I Say Next?