Have you ever been involved in a conversation that went something like this:

“Why did you get so upset at what I said?"

"Look, all I said, was 'blah, blah, blah.'”

“Yes, but what you meant was XXXXX.”

“All I said was, ‘blah, blah, blah.’”

“That’s may have been what you said, but what you meant was XXXXX.”

This discussion could go on for days until someone understands that the message is what someone hears and sees, not necessarily what someone says.

Tell a non-performer that her behavior is unacceptable. But smile and nod encouragement at the wrong time during your discussion, and she may walk away thinking “no big deal” and go back to the status quo.

Announce to the media that the customer reports about defects in your product are isolated incidents. But do it with a furrowed brow and you may have lawyers soliciting class-action claims by noon.

Tell your team that “things are under control.” But do it with a nervous fidget and team members may wonder if you’ll hold your job long enough to report their recommendations.

Words alone never carry the complete message. Messages come from context, relationship, tone of voice, what was said, what was not said, and body language. Consistency produces clarity.