Bruce Tulgan

You need to focus on controlling YOU.

On the other hand, you cannot ignore all those factors outside yourself which define the context of your situation, wherever you find yourself.

No matter who you are, what you want to achieve, or how you want to behave, your role in any situation is determined in large part by factors that have nothing to do with YOU. There are preexisting, independent factors that would be present even if you were not, and these factors determine the context of any situation.

Context is easier to understand when we consider extreme examples of it: jail, war, famine, earthquakes. In any of these contexts, the possibilities are limited, and so is the scope of any individual's potential role. In these contexts, certain expectations, hopes, expressions, and actions are inappropriate. While it is relatively easy to be sensitive to extreme contexts, but it is often difficult for people to be sensitive to more subtle contexts, particularly when you walk into a brand new situation. Every situation has a context that limits possibilities and limits the scope of your potential role.

Before you can figure out where you fit, you need to get a handle on the other pieces of the puzzle. Here's what you have to ask yourself, especially when you are new to any situation: Where am I (what is this place)? What is going on here (what is the mission of the group)? Why is everybody here (what is at stake for the group and for each person in the group)? When did they all get here (not just today, but in the overall context)? Who are all these people (what role does each person play)? How are they accustomed to doing things around here (do they have a standard operating procedure)?

Context is all about these points of reference to compare circumstances, people, and relationships. Once you get a handle on the context of any situation, next you have to ask yourself where YOU fit in this picture. Why are YOU here? What is at stake for YOU? When did YOU get here? What is YOUR appropriate role in relation to the other people in the group? What is YOUR appropriate role in relation to the mission? Who are YOU in this context?

What expectations and hopes about the situation are reasonable for YOU to have? What thoughts, words, and actions are unacceptable here given YOUR role in this context? What thoughts, words, and actions would be the best ones for you here given YOUR role in this context?

Wherever you are, figure out the context and figure out where you fit.