The “Fifties Weekend” held in and around the Wildwood Convention Center, on the Jersey Shore, lived up to the city’s namesake: a) first there was a Fri night dance MC’d by a former Philly radio personality/DJ, Jerry Blavat, “The Geeter (or was it the Ol’ Geezer) with the Heater”; let me tell you, 60-something women can still Pony; b) then a Sat. afternoon Street Fair – food booths and a music stage (including a singer who did a great Elvis and another crooner who likely had Buddy Holly “rocking and rolling” in his grave); c) and the finale was a Sat. night concert featuring Dee Dee Sharp (of “Mashed Potatoes” dance fame; the legs still look good), Joey V (known for the “Peppermint Twist”) and an original Starlighter (who also is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a member of the Young Rascals), and The Marvelettes (who sang two of my favorite oldies – “Please Mr. Postman” and “Dancing in the Streets”). And the final performer definitely put the “wild” in Wildwood – Chubby Checker who, at 69, can still “Twist the Night Away.” However, perhaps acknowledging discretion over future chiropractic bills, Mr. C only sang “The Limbo Rock.”
For me, the weekend was a joyful rollick and frolic through the past…with one exception. During the Friday night dance-a-thon, the DJ suddenly asked the crowd to acknowledge the men and women in the Armed Services for their unstinting sacrifice. And we all dutifully applauded…and almost as quickly returned to the merriment. So what’s my beef? Actually, my concern is more, “Where’s the beef?”
Let me first add some social and historical context. Having gone to high school and college in the Sixties, almost everyone was impacted by the Vietnam War. Personally, I wasn’t looking to be drafted, didn’t want to leave the country, and was planning to go to grad school. After some anxious head, heart and soul searching I joined the Army Reserves for a six year commitment. It was a definite risk-reward situation. Fortunately, the only time I was activated was to help deliver the mail during a postal strike in New York City. So my military roots were not very deep, until…
For the past three decades I have predominantly been speaking, consulting and counseling with civilians (though I was a “Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service…so in my own way I am “battle-tested”). However, for the past four years, I have done considerable “Stress and Team Building, Leadership and Humor” work as the Stress Doc with the military, especially the US Army; and nobody is more surprised than me. It all began with a web search. Here’s the short version: In the Fall 2006, the Iraq War was in a particularly difficult and dangerous phase, and anxiety on the military home front was high. Spurred by an officer’s wife (Laurie, see below) and then in conjunction with the battalion’s Family Readiness Group, I was brought to Ft. Hood to lead a rear detachment “Stress, Humor and Community Building” Predeployment Program. One hundred and fifty spouses showed up, along with the Rear Detachment Commander and a handful of Soldiers. We had a blast. As a once skeptical Commander acknowledged:
Mark,
Great presentation this week. We needed that. Laurie* was so right in bringing you down. Looking forward to hearing from you.
COL Larry Phelps
Commander, 1CD Rear
Every Day...Better
"Managing Everything in the Rear, so that 1CD Can Focus Forward."
* Laurie’s comment: “Once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The Stress Doc presentation was everything I had hoped it would be.”
Salute vs. Support
Thus began a relationship with officers, soldiers and spouses, a group of folks who, overwhelmingly, are thoughtful, sharp, idiosyncratic, courageous, caring and dedicated. In my humble opinion, this complex, diverse and self-selected collection of individuals are, even with all their flaws and foibles, pretty terrific exemplars of the human species. And especially when considering the uncommonly challenging conditions facing today’s military, saluting these service personnel and their families is a no-brainer. Actually, this group deserves much more; I believe this group needs meaningful and sustained support rather than an occasional or occasion-driven “feel good” salute.
And this gets to the heart of my problem with what happened at the dance. Who really was the “feel good” target: was it soldiers, veterans and their families or was it the people doing the applauding? In fact, the overwhelming segment of society by and large have distanced and disconnected themselves from two seemingly intractable and interminable wars…ten years and too many lives. And we are still counting the numbers physically and psychologically fractured and finalized!
Of course there is some selfless and heartfelt cheering, but I’m not confident that the motivation of the majority is so pure. Perhaps an occasional “hurrah” assuages guilt for allowing others to make the sacrifice, or maybe these pseudo-celebrations simply help distract from some decidedly noxious statistics and personal tragedies. When you fight ten years on two battlefronts with only an “All Volunteer Army,” that is, drawing on a limited pool of men and women, reality raises its ugly sides, and most of us do not like to focus on such inconvenient truths.
The only way to sustain these two campaigns is by recycling military personnel (or by transferring military operations to corporate entities like Blackwater or Halliburton...enough said). But human beings are not “Coke” bottles – you can’t just give them a good scrub and send them back into action. The human toll of redeployment after redeployment to a war zone is palpable. As one spouse shared, “We were okay through the fifth deployment. During the sixth he finally snapped!” Just recently “60 Minutes” had a segment that featured the growing homelessness in the states among Iraqi and Afghani veterans, not surprisingly complicated by drug and alcohol abuse. (For us Boomers, it’s déjà vietnam all over again. Predictably, housing, human services and job transition resources are woefully inadequate for the present need.) Thankfully, in the last couple of years, the unprecedented military suicide rate has captured the attention of the media and the Department of Defense. And soldiers are using behavioral health services in record numbers; however, it still is the tip of the iceberg. While some statistics indicate that it’s the younger, less experienced soldier who is the greater suicide-risk, multiple redeployments, being “blown up” multiple times (to quote the current returnee lingo), does nothing to reduce the incidence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).
Which brings us to our contemporary version of Catch-22. The logical response to a shortage of personnel in war time is having a military draft. But there’s a larger moral imperative: if a nation chooses to sustain ongoing wars, the burden and sacrifice must be shouldered by all segments of society. Of course, you will likely have more qualified recruits with a volunteer army. But at some dysfunctional, recycled tipping point, quantity (or lack thereof) trumps if not tramples quality. And, still worse, politics trumps and trashes all. Those in positions of power realize that if a draft were reinstated vast segments of the American public would suddenly turn conventional patriotism on its head. Instead of today’s sanitized salutes and celebrations there would be a massive hue and cry, if not Sixties style demonstrations spilling into the streets: Support the Troops: Bring Them Home! That’s a beat I could march to. Now wouldn’t that be really wild.
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a one-of-a-kind "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst." The "Doc" is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs. The "Stress Doc" is also a team building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits. And he is AOL's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is currently leading "Bridging the Generational-Cultural Divide" and "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for the 1st Cavalry and 13th Expeditionary Support Command (ESC) Divisions and Brigades, at Ft. Hood, Texas and Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. A former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™
Acclaimed Keynote Speaker and Motivational Humorist
www.stressdoc.com
stressdoc@aol.com