Adam Small

by Lena Sanchez

Do you argue with yourself when you are talking to yourself? Yes talking to yourself, everyone does it! The trick in business as well as personal social situations is learning to talk to others and get them to truly listen. If you aren't hearing them even though you are listening there will be no real communication.

When you talk to someone and need his or her undivided attention you will need to speak the same language. In order to have them be more receptive to you and you need the ability to reach their subconscious level. Mirroring is a form used by those who are very successful at sales, marketing or negotiating.

Human creatures communicate on a subconscious level without even realizing it. The art of mirroring is a language when used effectively can gain you a lot of allies.

The technique of speaking to people in their own language is explained through the technology of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) or mirroring. It helps to quickly and effectively develop rapport with another person. It has positive benefits in the area of self-improvement as well, but today I am going to focus on rapport building to successful marketing or just plain language skills to successful business and personal relationships.

The language of mirroring or Neuro Linguistic Programming as it was named in the '70s is the ideal way of getting into the same language pattern in order to know you are on the same wave length. Matching words, expressions, voice tone, even volume, in order to speak in the other person's language. This not only proves you've been listening, but also the best way to introduce your own ideas without opposition or disagreement.

In mirroring or NLP we learn that we process information in three distinct ways; primary being;

1. Auditory, the art of hearing or sound.
2. Visual, sight or seeing, and
3. Kinesthetic, touch or feeling. Often, the words we use show our primary method of processing information.

For instance, when a person uses the expression "I see" that tells you this is a visual person. Responding to that person you would need to answer on a feeling level, such as, "it looks good to me also." If someone says, "sounds good to me or I hear you," indicates an auditory person lives in that body. One that comes in with "Feels okay to me or I felt that," indicates a kinesthetic person, one who feels things.

I must say here, that these responses might possible only indicate that moment of being or actual be that type of person or the permanent type of personality. Most of us tend to be a "moment to moment person" but the majority of the time we will appear to be in the same level as we actually are and reflect who we are to the person we are speaking with on one of those three levels. Auditory, visual or Kinesthetic (feelings).

Mirroring or NLP, involves duplicating a persons body movements, visual or auditory speech as often as possible, realistically, and without being too obvious or fake about it. If the person is conscious of your mirroring the whole purpose will be defeated. This is not a game but proven to actually work to understanding what is actually being said to you.

For instance, as the person you're with begins to rest his or her hand on his or her chin-or cross his or her legs, or fold his or her arms-wait for a moment, and then slowly do the same. It takes practice to notice and mirror others effectively. Find an associate and practice, practice until this becomes a natural habit. If this cannot subtly be done the rapport will be lost as well as your credibility!

Matching and mirroring are totally natural processes when two people already have good rapport (watch friends, or happy couples in conversation. Physically, they will often be almost totally in sync). You're simply speeding up the time it usually takes to make a person feel comfortable. Rapport can be created both on the conscious open level - finding similarities such as same birthplace, interests, etc. - and then below the conscious level by way of matching and mirroring the body movements of said person.

Reasons mirroring works so well is:

1. Transforms weakness into power: Don't fight for honor's sake, it will cause you to lose in the end. Mirroring serves to deprive your foe of the satisfaction of defeating you without them knowing it happened.
2. Giving in conceals power. It makes your foe complacent and gives you time to recoup and work on ways to undermine or rearrange his/her thinking. Not in a bad way but a positive effect for both parties!

People who are so into showing their power and care about showing authority are easily undermined and defeated by the giving-in tactic. Outward submission makes them feel important, making them easier targets later for counterattack. Again this is not a bad thing but makes bargaining or selling a positive.

Don't sacrifice long-term maneuverability for short-lived martyrdom. If you stay firm inside but end up on the outside, you will confuse your adversary.

Example: In ancient China, King Gou Jian lost a major battle to the ruler of Wu. Instead of fleeing, he surrendered, gave his conqueror his riches and went to work for him as a stable hand for three years. Finally, Gou Jian was freed. He raised an army and, using the knowledge he had gained about his opponent, attacked and defeated him. Story borrowed from an article at http://www.BottomLinePersonal.com Serves to both disarm and infuriate when using the mirroring effect. Acting like someone else-whether it is a boss, peer or opponent-is what I call the mirroring effect. Works like a desert chameleon, which assume the colors of its environment so no one can touch it.

MIRRORING OTHERS will give them the feeling that you share their thoughts and goals. Everyone is consumed by his own ego. Try to impose your own ego and you meet resistance. But holding up a mirror make others see what they want to see. Therefore feed the fantasies of others by finding out what they like and making those tastes your own. Put books by some of your boss's favorite writers on your bookshelf. Don't lecture people about their failings or products-they won't listen. If you mirror their behavior, they will either ignore you or think about their own actions either way you know where you stand.

NEVER APPEAR PERFECT! Looking better than others is dangerous. People will become envious and look for ways to trip you up. When others envy you they will work against you. If your attitude is I am always right you will lose in the end!

WEED OUT envy before it takes root. Appear unambitious to your colleagues. Make power seem like at least something of a burden and sacrifice-something imposed upon you. The appearance of self-sacrifice turns envy to pity. People will feel bad for imposing on you instead of resenting you for what you have.

This should not be used in a manner that others view you as a fake but as genuinely interested in them and will work with both sexes. The secret to making friends and associates will center in mirroring.

Just remember this one thing - fake will only lose the advantage for you and possibly make it impossible to repair the damage. So practice until it is a natural part of your listening skills. Just remember that practice makes perfect!

THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF MIRRORING: I have chosen to add one more dimension to Mirroring, my own practice of mirroring... That is to put my personality into my website and help you to have a better life by gaining your freedom help owning your very own business.