Engaging in Fierce Conversations

I recently led a couple of workshops on emotional intelligence and assertive communication for some of my San Francisco Bay Area clients. One of the HR Directors asked me if I could write up some of the techniques and tools we covered in my “Emotionally Intelligent Conversations” workshop.

The following are some tips you can use for better conversations at work, particularly difficult conversations that have to deal with conflict or lack of trust. I often suggest these ideas when coaching clients who are having trust issues and in conflict with each other, and clients have found them to be very powerful and effective. The following are some proven ideas to engage in fierce, assertive, and emotionally intelligent conversations.

Making It Real

In her two books, Fierce Conversations and Fierce Leadership, training and development consultant Susan Scott discusses the importance of having real or deep conversations.
“Real is a change agent’s best friend. While no one has to change, when the conversation is real, the change often occurs before the conversation has ended.” — Susan Scott, 2009

Real conversations may, indeed, be uncomfortable.

“Where did we learn that we should never do or say anything that might make ourselves or others uncomfortable?” Scott asks.

While politeness and constructive criticism matter, they should not come at the expense of meaningful interactions that explore diverse perspectives and competing recommendations.
As a leader, it’s your job to accomplish your organization’s goals. You accomplish this, in large part, by making every conversation as real as possible.

The Risk of Being Real

Today’s workforce is composed of men and women who consider themselves to be free agents. They’re responsible for the course of their working careers and may think of themselves as owners and investors—not as employees. It’s a fair belief, as each day they invest time, energy and brain power at work.

Your organization’s people own their free will, drive and expertise. They’re willing to invest these assets in support of colleagues, ideals and goals in which they believe. As a leader, manager or team member, you can give them something to believe in by making every conversation real.

There are some emotional risks, according to Scott:
• I will be known.
• I will be seen.
• I will be changed.

You have to remove your professional mask and leadership persona, setting aside your authority and power. You must open your mind to others’ potentially competing perspectives and accept that you don’t know it all or have all the answers.

Leaders who strive to increase their candor and authenticity experience a growing sense of personal freedom, vitality and effectiveness. By improving their ability to have robust conversations, they gain a higher level of personal authenticity, emotional honesty, integrity and greater capacity to inspire change in others.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches are hired to provide interpersonal communication skills and leadership development for organizational leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their communication skills? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence competence.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Do I engender trust by being authentic and engaging in meaningful conversations?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations, provide executive coaching and communications skills training for leaders who want to have fierce conversations and be fully engaged at work.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create an organizational culture where the ability to communicate and collaborate with people through having fierce conversations is a critical leadership competency. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching, career coaching, and leadership consulting clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders. Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to mbrusman@workingresources.com, or call 415-546-1252.
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