By Abby Anderson, MS, LPC, CEAP
Solutions EAP Program Coordinator

So here we are, stuck in the middle again! We’re looking at the beliefs we may have about that Activating Event. What are we doing at Point B when we experience the Activating Event, that button pushing situation but before we begin to act or feel at Point C? We are thinking and that includes reacting, perceiving, analyzing, judging, assessing, and deciding. The way that we think in response to A will determine what we do at C and whether we let A push our buttons.

Now, some might believe that we do jump straight from A to C. “When she was late again, I just blew up!” “When the truck cut me off, I freaked out!”

But if you think about this example, it can help demonstrate that B, beliefs, cause C, behaviors. Suppose you hear a noise at your front door and go to investigate. When you open the door, there stands Cujo, the rabid dog, foaming at the mouth and growling. What do you do? Slam the door, run, yell? That might be your reaction but technically not accurate. The first thing you do is you see Cujo and hear him. That’s your senses. And where does that information go first? To your brain.

That’s when your brain does two things. It first has to label the event in an unemotional, factual way: “Big dog, foaming at the mouth and growling, two feet away from me.” It then makes a judgment about the event: “Rabid dog! Danger! Danger!” and sends the message through your hypothalamus (the traffic cop part of your brain) to the rest of you body, telling it to react to the danger.

Now, all of this happens in milliseconds. You could have already shut the door and be halfway out of the room with that whole process having already taken place, and the first thing you did was think.

So here’s a challenging statement: It’s not what is actually true about Point A that matters, it’s what you think about it at Point B that determines your feelings and behaviors at Point C. For example, being single is not a terrible circumstance, but if you think it’s terrible to be single, you’ll be miserable when you are and susceptible to getting your buttons pushed by others.

The good news is that means we have the potential to control how we respond.
There are strategies to help as we process our thoughts. Next week we’ll look at how we can better respond in button-pushing situations.

Next week we’ll look at the middle part of the process to begin to understand where to intervene to keep those buttons from being pushed.

If you would like to talk about this or any other problem or concern, please call Solutions Employee
Assistance Program at 1-800-526-3485 or www.solutions-eap.com

George "Bud" Wassell, M.S., LPC, CEAP
Director, Solutions EAP
213 Court Street
Middletown, CT 06457
800-526-3485
fax: 860-704-6221
http://www.solutions-eap.com