Holidays can create feelings of dread and
anxiety in those who are bereaved. The
clich d images of family togetherness and
the often unrealistic expectations of a season filled
with picture perfect, joyful gatherings can cause
tremendous stress for those who are not grieving-let
alone those in the midst of the painful, isolating
experience of loss. How does one celebrate the
holidays when a loved one is so sorely missed?
Creating new rituals and new traditions that pay
tribute to the memory of the deceased is one way to
survive, and perhaps even embrace, the holidays
when a loved one has died. Here are some
suggestions of what you can do.

• Decorate a wreath with pictures and items that
were loved by the person who died and place
the wreath at his/her grave.

• Wrap a favorite keepsake of the deceased or a
framed picture of your loved one, and give it as
a gift to another grieving family member.

• Tell the stories behind the ornaments on the
Christmas Tree and the role your loved one
played in making those memories. Create a
special ornament labeled with the name of the
deceased and hang it on the tree.

• Decorate a candle and light it at meal time in
memory of your loved one. If you celebrate
Chanukah, recall a memory of the deceased on
each of the eight nights that you light the
Menorah.

• Make a book of pictures and memorabilia about
the deceased to give or simply to share with one
another. This is a good activity for children as
well.

Make a donation to a favorite charity in the
person’s honor. Create a scholarship to keep the
memory of the deceased alive and announce it at a
holiday gathering of family and friends.

• Purchase a holiday book-perhaps a favorite of the
deceased-and donate it to your local library or
school. Ask your librarian to place a label in the
front cover inscribed, “In memory of (your loved
one’s name).”

• Bring your loved one’s favorite food to share at a
holiday dinner. Mention their name in the
blessing over the food or propose a toast to their
memory.

• Share anecdotes and favorite stories about the
person who died. Sometimes others need
permission to talk about the deceased. Let them
know you would rather keep the memory of your
loved one alive than pretend nothing has changed.

• Encourage grieving children to draw pictures and
create gifts inspired by their memories of the
deceased to give to other family members.

• Decorate and hang a cut-out star in your home
with your hopes and dreams for the future.
Thinking about tomorrow is part of your healing.
Then once you’ve remembered your loved one, make
sure you remember yourself. Take care of yourself.
Be gentle. Do what you can do-no more and no less.
If it’s too hard to be in the same place where you
spent holidays together with your loved one, opt for a
change of scene and go somewhere new. If you can’t
afford a vacation, go to a restaurant-or a friend or
family member’s home that doesn’t have painful
associations with previous holidays. Although you
can’t erase thoughts and memories of the deceased, it
may help to create a new holiday experience.