Mark Gorkin

"Fast Food for Thought"  from the Stress Doc<br />
Yesterday  I had a blast.  It only lasted  ten-minutes but the ebb and flow<br />
of the audience’s riveted attention and hearty  laughter produced a slow to<br />
fade afterglow.  I did some serious shtick on “Practicing Safe  Stress for<br />
the Holidays” at a holiday gathering for members of Federally  Employed<br />
Women (FEW)/Metro Washington Region.  Consider this some holiday “fast food  for<br />
thought” from the Stress Doc.  Hopefully you will find these morsels quick<br />
and easy to consume, tasty  and nutritious.  The menu  lineup:<br />
<br />
A.  Stress Doc’s Classic Holiday Joke and  Poetic Proverbs<br />
B.  Holiday Stress Smoke  Signals<br />
C.  Burnout Spiral and The Vital Lesson of  the Four “R”s<br />
D.  The Six Strategic “F”s for Mastering  Loss and Change<br />
E.  Closing “Shrink Rap”  ™<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
Practicing Safe Stress  for the Holidays:  Some Serious  Shtick or Fast<br />
Food for Thought<br />
A.  Stress Doc’s Classic Holiday Joke and  Poetic Proverb<br />
While  many associate the holidays with Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol,<br />
and  its theme of gaining and sharing the holiday spirit, the opening lines<br />
from A  Tale of Two Cities may have even more relevance:<br />
<br />
It was the best  of times, it was the worst of time<br />
It was the season of light, it was the  season of darkness...<br />
It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of  despair.<br />
<br />
Like Dickens, I too have tried to capture the complexity of  the holidays;<br />
if not through a great novel, then with my one classic holiday  joke.  To<br />
help you negotiate some of that holiday pressure, consider this  distinction<br />
between "Holiday Blues" and "Holiday Stress."  Now holiday  blues is the<br />
feeling of loss or sadness that you have over the holidays  when, for whatever<br />
reason, you can't be with those people who have been or are  special and<br />
significant.  And holiday stress...is when you  have to be with some of those<br />
people!<br />
So  here are two “poetic proverbs” for survival:  <br />
You  may think I’m at a loss without having you as boss<br />
Still,  when it’s just me, not us or you<br />
Please,  don’t tell me what to do!<br />
Do  ask or suggest; maybe better…let it rest!<br />
And  a “pp” with a humorous edge:<br />
Tenaci-Tea  for Two:  The Narcissist’s  Version<br />
You  for me and me for me.<br />
Oh  how nurturing you will be.<br />
Forget  “to be or not to be”<br />
Just  simply think of Me, Me Me!<br />
<br />
B.  Holiday Stress Smoke  Signals<br />
How  do you know when you’re experiencing “holiday stress smoke signals?” <br />
Drawing on my “Three ‘B’ Stress  Barometer” Exercise, how do your Brain, <br />
Body and Behavior tell you when you’re under more stress or are more tense <br />
than usual?<br />
Snappy,  impatient, rise in blood pressure, increased smoking or drinking,<br />
mind-racing or  in a fog, etc., etc.  These are some  of the common<br />
responses to the above question.  Here are three of my favorites.  Notice how the<br />
first two are  double-edged:<br />
<br />
1)  Sleep Disturbance – “Some mornings, anyone ever feels like just not <br />
getting out of bed?  Then, aren’t  there folks who know all the best buys on<br />
Ebay or Home Shopping Network at three  in the morning?”<br />
<br />
2)  Eating Disturbance – “Anyone eat a little more under stress to numb<br />
those  gnawing anxious feelings?”  Many  hands quickly go up.  “Anyone lose <br />
their appetite or eat less when feeling stressed?”  A few hands flutter.  My<br />
immediate response:  “And we hate those people, don’t  we?”<br />
<br />
3)  TMJ – “Does anyone have problems with muscle tension, back or neck <br />
pain?  What about a clenched jaw or  TMJ?  We know what TMJ really stands <br />
for, don’t we…Too Many  Jerks!<br />
<br />
C.  Burnout Spiral and The Vital Lesson of  the Four “R”s<br />
And  stress unchecked can spiral…into a state of burnout.  In fact, I call<br />
burnout the “erosive  spiral”:  Burnout is a gradual process by which a <br />
person detaches from work and other significant roles and relationships.  The<br />
result is lowered productivity,  cynicism, confusion, a feeling of being<br />
drained having nothing more to  give.  Doesn’t sound like  fun!<br />
How  to stop this vicious cycle?  Grapple  with “The Vital Lesson of the<br />
Four ‘R’s”:  If no matter what you do or how hard you try, Results, Rewards, <br />
Recognition and Relief are not forthcoming and you can’t say “No” or won’<br />
t “let  go”, that is, you can’t step back and get a new perspective; there’<br />
s only one  right person, position, or possible outcome because in your<br />
mind you’ve invested  so much time, money, and ego…trouble awaits. The<br />
groundwork is being laid for  apathy, callousness, and despair!<br />
How  to let go?…See right below.<br />
<br />
D.  The Six Strategic “F”s for Mastering  Loss and Change<br />
In  today’s uncertain economic and career climate, the ability to grapple <br />
effectively with unemployment, a downsized budget or family lifestyle, to<br />
handle  the uncertainty of a company reorganization, or flexibly adapt to<br />
working in new  departments or with new work teams is vital.  However,<br />
positively engaging with loss  and change requires more than just “sucking it up.” <br />
Try mastering the Stress Doc’s  Six “F”s of Loss and Change; turn potential<br />
danger into personal and  professional opportunity:<br />
<br />
1)  Familiar. Grapple with the anxiety, rage, hopelessness or sadness in <br />
letting go of the familiar role or predictable past.  The big question:  Who<br />
am I?  This role or relationship has been such  a big part of my identity. <br />
Remember, sometimes your former niche of  success now has you mostly stuck<br />
in the ditch of excess.  There's a critical crossroad  ahead,<br />
<br />
2)  Future. Clearly the horizon appears cloudy and threatening, lacking <br />
direction and clarity.  What will be  expected of me?  Who will I now have  to<br />
report to or work with?  Just  because your past or traditional roles and<br />
responsibilities may be receding  doesn't mean you can't transfer your<br />
experience and skills into new challenging  arenas,<br />
<br />
3)  Face. Some loss of self-esteem and self-worth is all too common, <br />
especially when our life puzzle has been broken up other than by one's own  hand.<br />
 Would this scenario be  unsettling:  "Two months ago you  gave our<br />
department a great performance review?  Now you’re cutting our budget in a major <br />
way, and no one knows if there will be layoffs."  Shame and guilt, rage and<br />
diminished  confidence are frequent early traveling partners on an uncertain<br />
and profound  transitional journey,<br />
<br />
4)  Focus. Major change can be scary.  Underlying feelings may include<br />
rage, helplessness, hopelessness and  humiliation.  Sometimes we need a  little<br />
rage to break through chains of mind-body-behavior paralysis.  Of course,<br />
rage needs to be  tempered.  Remember, more people  shoot themselves in the<br />
foot than go postal!  (And, let me say, as a former Stress and  Violence<br />
Prevention Consultant with the US Postal Service, I know “Going  Postal.”)  The<br />
challenge is to  grapple with this array of powerful feelings, if need be,<br />
with personal or  professional support.  You want to temper  the rage by<br />
having the courage to embrace those vulnerable emotions;  this leads to a<br />
productive, yin-yang state of focused anger.  You can’t just willpower your way<br />
through this emotional quicksand or  burnout spiral.<br />
Remember,<br />
For  the Phoenix to rise from the ashes<br />
One  must know the pain<br />
To  transform the fire to burning desire!<br />
If  you can honestly grapple and grieve the first three "F"s, then you are<br />
engaged  in a productive brooding and refocusing aggression process.  Maybe<br />
I am ready to knock on if not  knock down doors again.  At minimum,  you<br />
will affirm, "I may not like the cards that have been dealt, but how do I  make<br />
the best of my reality right now."  And you'll likely start hatching a new<br />
perspective with, if not crystal  clear targets, then an intuitive, crystal<br />
ball-like enlightenment.  Suddenly this Stress Doc mantra starts <br />
resonating:  "I don't know where I'm  going...I just think I know how to get there!"<br />
<br />
5)  Feedback. Throughout this process, but especially now, getting solid <br />
feedback is crucial.  It’s not easy  getting clear, clean, and honest<br />
feedback:  many don’t really have a clue how to give it.  Or people are fearful you<br />
won’t know how  to handle it.  You have to work hard  to find someone who<br />
will give you the Stress Doc’s version of TLC:  "Tender Loving Criticism" and<br />
"Tough  Loving Care."  You need a “stress  buddy” to help sort out the<br />
wheat from the chaff.  Before you blow up in a supervisor’s  office check in<br />
with your buddy and ask, “Am I seeing this situation objectively  or not?  What<br />
’s my part in this  problem?”  In times of rapid or  daunting change,<br />
trustworthy feedback helps us remember who we are; that our  basic, core self<br />
remains intact despite being shaken by unsettling forces.  <br />
<br />
6)  Faith. Having the courage to grapple with these "F"s now yields a <br />
strength to understand what in your present life rests in your control and what <br />
lies beyond.  Of course, there’s  always an unpredictable element or moment<br />
in major transition.  Life is not a straight line  progression.  However,<br />
by doing your  “head work, heart work and homework,” you are in a much<br />
stronger personal and  professional position.  You are  building cognitive and<br />
emotional muscles; you can have faith in a growing  ability to handle whatever<br />
will be thrown at you.  Going through this process means you are  evolving<br />
the psychological capacity for dealing with ambiguous and unpredictable <br />
twists and turns on life’s journey.  As I once penned:  Whether the loss is a<br />
key person, a desired  position or a powerful illusion, each deserves the<br />
respect of a mourning.  The pit in the stomach, the clenched  fists and<br />
quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time.  In mystical fashion<br />
like spring upon  winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful  renewal.<br />
And  how do we transform mystical maturation into everyday evolution? <br />
Consider the prescient words of the  great scientific/polio pioneer, Dr. Jonas<br />
Salk:  Evolution is about getting one more time  than you fall down; being<br />
courageous one more time than you are fearful; and  trusting just one more<br />
time than you are anxious.<br />
<br />
E.  Closing “Shrink Rap”  ™<br />
<br />
I  close by  putting on my Blues Brothers hat and black sunglasses and<br />
taking out a black  tambourine, thereby revealing a secret identity:  "I'm<br />
pioneering the field  of psychologically humorous rap music and as a therapist<br />
calling it, of course,  'Shrink Rap' ™ Productions."  Predictably, there's an<br />
audible groan from  the audience.  And my response:  "Groan now.  We'll see<br />
who has  the last groan."  (However, in my defense, years back, an African <br />
American friend upon hearing the lyrics said, "Oh, so you're into<br />
'Aristocratic  Rap.'")<br />
<br />