Lynn Lievonen

<strong>The resume bloopers</strong><br />
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:<br />
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1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.<br />
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2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.<br />
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3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.<br />
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4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.<br />
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5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.<br />
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6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.<br />
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7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.<br />
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8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.<br />
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9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.<br />
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10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.<br />
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11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.<br />
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12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.<br />
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13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.<br />
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14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.<br />
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15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.<br />
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16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.<br />
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17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.<br />
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18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.<br />
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19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.<br />
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20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.<br />
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21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.<br />
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22. Marital status: often. Children: various.<br />
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23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.<br />
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24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.<br />
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25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.<br />
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26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.