Last week, a HR.com member asked “can anyone give me some guidance on how to deal with a blatantly rude and brusque manager?”

Among other things, a manager has a direct impact on employee productivity, retention, innovation, and development. If a manager is not motivating employees appropriately and is not nurturing individual growth in an effective manner, then an organization’s productivity will be impacted negatively; period.

Cultural expectations within an organization can sometimes condone negative behavior. It is important that organization-wide, an expectation for respectful behavior is communicated.

To deal with a manager who is behaving rudely, I recommend the following five steps:

•       Gather objective observations on which to base the discussion
•       Schedule an appropriate time and place to have the discussion
•       Use a modified “I statement”
•       Rehearse what to say
•       End the conversation by communicating how and when progress will be evaluated along with clarifying any consequences that will occur if the behavior does not change

1)       Make sure that you have concrete examples of the offending behavior to discuss. These examples should be objective and not be based upon third party complaints or rumors. Identify a few instances that you wish to discuss and make sure that you have all the necessary specifics.

2)       Book an appointment with the manager to discuss this issue. Make sure you have a private place to carry out the discussion and that you will not be interrupted or rushed.

3)    If you are anxious or unsure about how to approach the discussion, practice with a colleague. Ask your colleague to challenge you during this rehearsal to prepare you to re-state the message clearly and avoid the temptation to backtrack or soften the initial point.       

4)    Communicate the issue using a modified “I statement.” An I statement follows this format “when you….., I feel……, I would appreciate it if…….”
For business purposes, I suggest that you modify this format slightly. First, describe the behavior that is causing a problem and then describe the impact or natural consequences of the offending behavior. Finish the statement by clearly describing the result you require. Examples of statements could include: our organization values respect and we expect that all employees will treat each other with respect; I expect you to make requests of your direct reports in a respectful way; yelling at co-workers needs to stop immediately; if you need assistance motivating employees, the following resources are available to you -- I expect you to make use of these resources. Once the message has been communicated, take some time to LISTEN to the manager. Understanding his or her perspective on the situation will help you understand why the behavior is occurring.

5)       Set a time to evaluate progress and be clear about how you will so. Make sure you have communicated any consequences that will occur if the offending behavior continues.

The conversation does not end after the initial evaluation period. Progress should continue to be monitored and should continue to be a topic of discussion between the manager and his or her supervisor. Make sure that the manager gets support to carry out his or her job more effectively. Support could include training to deal with motivating others or delivering difficult conversations. However, support could also include stress management or counseling if the cause of the behavior is a particularly stressful life event which is spilling over into the manager’s work.

Does anyone have any other advice around how to deal with this type of situation?