Negotiations play a major part in our everyday work experience. We negotiate with coworkers, colleagues, and customers in accepting ideas and proposals, in winning jobs, in buying and selling products or services, and in resolving conflicts. Yet repetition of the task hasn't made it any easier.

For centuries, negotiating in a formal setting inflicted fear in the hearts of people--fear of losing. Only recently have negotiators embraced the idea that all parties can walk away winners. And language plays a big part in setting the tone, shaping how people think and feel about working together, and dictating the final outcome.

Consider these tips for a winning negotiation.

Substitute "we" for "you and me."
Let language imply your intention to work out an agreement to everyone's advantage. Examples: "What would we have to do to get X to happen?" "How can we design this schedule so you don't have to work overtime and so we can meet the customer's deadline?" "What can we work out so that I don't have a large cash outlay upfront, and you still feel that you're not walking into a high-risk situation?"

Start with goals, then move to solutions.
If you start with solutions to a problem and one or both of you can't accept the stated solutions, you may remain at odds forever. If, on the other hand, you state only your goals or motivations, then you can either accept or reject solutions as necessary and still come to an agreement that allows both of you to meet your goals.